Congratulations and WELL DONE!

Personal Triumphs are sometimes known to only a small group of people and yet they mean such a lot in terms of an individuals life.  Celebrating these occasions and what they mean in the lives of others is just incredibly important.  Having a genuine and sincere attitude towards someone else's success and achievements is easily a stumbling block, because it brings into question, selfish feelings and questions as to why someone else has been blessed, but you are left to your pit of sorrow.  But the attitude to show is one of real joy and genuine appreciation, for the accomplishment of others.  Each person will get their turn in life to be the subject of praise and accolades and yes there are those that seem to get more opportunities than others, but this should never mean that we are not sincere in our congratulations.  Life is of the nature that it turns and repeats itself, so the best thing to do is have the courage to believe that your turn will come. Something may not really interest you, or be the source of your enjoyment or passion, but the ability to identify the importance in some else's life makes a better person of us all.  Praise is a small gesture and yet it has major ramifications.  It brings joy and makes the recipient feel special.  It shows an interest in the lives of others instead of the more common selfish feelings.  It forms bonds and ties which help to secure and grow relationships.  It provides a sense of human camaraderie and care towards fellow human beings.  It implies a selfless act, asking for little in return, but it brings joy to our world where harsh realities are more common than simple acts of kindness.  Don't be a grumpy old man when it comes to saying well done and you will be surprised that when your turn next comes around, how attitudes towards you flourish and build you up.

Ja Nee en Daar Sy!!

Stephen Covey said "you have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage, pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically to say NO to other things.  And the way you do that is by having a bigger YES burning inside of you."  The implication is that we firstly cannot do and achieve everything we think we can. There are limits to how how much we can take on and we need to sift through the things that we need and those that we simply do, because of obligation, responsibility, habit and insecurity.  We need to have a list of highest to lowest priorities and although they can change, we need to stick to the basics, keeping it as simple as possible.  Like in business for example, we need to decide what are really the things that we are passionate about and stick to them, even when times come that we are uncertain of where they may get us. Drifting away from what we are good at and enjoy is not a recipe for success.  It can only cause distraction and uncertainty.  We also have to do the things that bring profit to a business and to our lives, in other words investing in the right choices, where we will receive the best return and reward.  As in life those things may not be the most popular or fit in with the mainstream, but there are many way to get to a destination and making sure that you are rewarded, whether in business through clients that pay well, or in life through relationships and people that offer something in return, this is the best way to achieve your priorities ultimately in a manner that is humble, but uncompromising.  This will take the kind of courage where you may ruffle feathers and you may become a target of speculation, rumour and jealousy.  That is OK because it means that when you say no to something, it is almost expected and it becomes easier to get back to your priorities which is where your strength lies in any event.  You can without guilt or apology (but not arrogantly and intended to hurt) say that you simply choose to no longer participate in the relationship or say no to be used and abused for your generous spirit.  But many times we are racked with guilt when we say no, that we end up caving and begrudgingly take on a task or a decision.  This is why it is so important to analyse our priorities, and then to implement them so as to foster and nurture the YES things in our lives.  What things really build us up and make us want to do better and be better, what things inspire and make us happy, what things bring peace and joy to us, those are the things we need to put at the top of list, so that when decisions need to be made there is an overwhelming sense of passion burning inside us that triggers us to be the person and live the life that we truly want.

It is all in the Finish!

Starting strong is Good but finishing strong is EPIC!  Our lives are broken up into seasons and periods and whether we like it or not, there are times when circumstances change and we go down a different path from that which we started on.  This may apply to early years at school where the course of study we choose ends up being far removed from the job we one day occupy.  It may be that the sports we were good at growing up turns out not to be the game we truly enjoy or excel at.  You could have a history of dating blonde's and end up marrying a brunette!  It does not mean that the way we start is not important because I think that it is. Everything remains a learning curve and the experiences we go through in every season of our lives only enhances the chance of finishing better when the time is right.  Ahead of the Comrades Marathon this weekend it may be apt to use the race as an example, in the sense of when starting to train to accomplish the race we build up slowly from the distance of 10km to 21km and then onto the marathon distance.  We may find that we are excellent over the shorter distances and we are better suited to the distance, but if we want to get to the end of a Comrades, we need to be able to train our body to cope with the pain and suffering it will endure over 90km.  In life too we have occasions when we endure unexpected hardships and also time of unprecedented favour.  If we are resilient enough to keep training, despite the fact that we are built to stop at 10km or 21km, then the finish that awaits us after 90km will be epic indeed.  It means that we may have to wait much longer for the result than we want, but in the waiting there is learning and experiences that you will never forget and the time is certainly not wasted.  For example in running circles once you have a conquered the Comrades, somehow running a 10km or 21km does not seem that difficult anymore.  The fact is that we get chances in life to rectify mistakes and to finish a phase of our life stronger and more prepared, so we need to take the opportunity when it presents itself.  Remember that the finish is what we strive for and not just a good start otherwise we may end up missing the epic finish we want and deserve.

Strongs!

Strength isn't always about how much you as an individual can handle before you break It is also about how much you can handle after you've broken (and the support you get).  We tend to place a lot of emphasis on having to be strong in all that we do and presenting a brave face no matter what.  People do so for a variety of reasons like pride, not wanting to show weakness, past experiences where they have been vulnerable and open and been hurt as a consequence.  All these factors result in people being very cautious to express their feelings when it comes to brokenness and unattended hurt.  Strength is built up slowly and is not a quick fix. It takes a lot of time and effort to grow our strength and resilience, to cope with the barrage of pain, hurt and disappointment.  Sometimes we may question why exactly we find ourselves in a particular situation and it is hard to express to others, where the real source of our pain sits.  We would be wise to remember the saying that "an arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward.  When life is dragging you back with difficulties it means, it's going to launch you into something great. So just focus and keep aiming". We need to maintain the right heart attitude towards the future and not get into a rut of handling everything ourselves until the point when we are already broken.  It is better to confront even difficult decisions and situations in our journey of life with a united front rather than waiting to see if we can recover from brokenness. Tough situations change the rules making us more aware of what we face and they open areas of forgiveness, letting go of burdens and help to bring people closer together.  Share the burden and grow in strength together and you will find that you need not end up as damaged goods.

Attraction 2

The law of attraction cannot change anything in your life that you hate, because hate is a powerful emotion that sticks what you hate to you. The law of attraction doesn't discriminate between good and bad it simply gives you more of what you're thinking and feeling.  We are attracted to many things in our lives, like nice cars and clothes and people with special personalities and dare I say it beautiful features.  Our work and prospects of success can be a real source of attraction.  To love what you do on a daily basis can be truly inspiring and fulfilling and becomes something that can motivate us, or at the same time cause a lot of pain and distress.  I can think of nothing worse than hating what you do and having each morning to get up and get dressed and go into a work place, without motivation or an attraction for what you do.  Hating our station in life gives rise to negative feelings of unworthiness and fear and lack of ambition and can turn young people of potential, into negative and uncertain individuals.  It is unlikely that you will be motivated every day of your working life and it is impossible to work and never have a bad day, but the attitude we have when we get into work and how the day unfolds can certainly paint the picture of where you find yourself in life. That is why we have to make a conscious effort to enjoy what we do, to grab hold of opportunities as they come about and not make any place for hate to gain a foothold in our workplace or in our lives.  That means we need to put jealousy aside, we need to accept the dynamics of business, the working relationships and interactions on various levels.  We should be accepting of differences and embrace the fact that different personalities go a long way to making a business grow and become sought after.  There should be a buzz in the office and the same goes for our lives outside of work, where friendships should thrive and become closer and personal to the positive influence of others around us.  It is up to us to make our work and personal lives, not just a functioning part of a whole life, but rather something cherished and celebrated and remembered, so that the memories produced can be captured and exposed.  Hate will never give you more of what you desire, because it's nature is to break down and destroy.  This is why we should take every chance we have to thank those we are attracted to and those that make us feel better and think more positively.  Hang on to them for what they can offer and be sure to embrace life with them, because it is precious and priceless and precisely balanced for the time and season you find yourself in. Never give up, be still, knowing that the God that we serve has a plan to bring attractiveness into your life. 

Promote what you Love instead of Bashing what you hate!

The law of attraction cannot change anything in your life that you hate, because hate is a powerful emotion that sticks what you hate to you. The law of attraction doesn't discriminate between good and bad it simply gives you more of what you're thinking and feeling.  We are attracted to many things in our lives, like nice cars and clothes and people with special personalities and dare I say it beautiful features.  Our work and prospects of success can be a real source of attraction.  To love what you do on a daily basis can be truly inspiring and fulfilling and becomes something that can motivate us, or at the same time cause a lot of pain and distress.  I can think of nothing worse than hating what you do and having each morning to get up and get dressed and go into a work place, without motivation or an attraction for what you do.  Hating our station in life gives rise to negative feelings of unworthiness and fear and lack of ambition and can turn young people of potential, into negative and uncertain individuals.  It is unlikely that you will be motivated every day of your working life and it is impossible to work and never have a bad day, but the attitude we have when we get into work and how the day unfolds can certainly paint the picture of where you find yourself in life. That is why we have to make a conscious effort to enjoy what we do, to grab hold of opportunities as they come about and not make any place for hate to gain a foothold in our workplace or in our lives.  That means we need to put jealousy aside, we need to accept the dynamics of business, the working relationships and interactions on various levels.  We should be accepting of differences and embrace the fact that different personalities go a long way to making a business grow and become sought after.  There should be a buzz in the office and the same goes for our lives outside of work, where friendships should thrive and become closer and personal to the positive influence of others around us.  It is up to us to make our work and personal lives, not just a functioning part of a whole life, but rather something cherished and celebrated and remembered, so that the memories produced can be captured and exposed.  Hate will never give you more of what you desire, because it's nature is to break down and destroy.  This is why we should take every chance we have to thank those we are attracted to and those that make us feel better and think more positively.  Hang on to them for what they can offer and be sure to embrace life with them, because it is precious and priceless and precisely balanced for the time and season you find yourself in. Never give up, be still, knowing that the God that we serve has a plan to bring attractiveness into your life. 

Choo Choo Train Approaching!

The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide you are not going to stay where you are.  Talking about change and having good intentions will not be sufficient to make a break through.  Unfortunately talk quickly dissipates and you are left with the same consequences, concerns and circumstances.  Moreover, changing something important seldom depends on a single action or person. It involves others and jointly committing to giving a new season or new adventure a real go.  It implies a momentum forward towards the goal and not merely a discussion or a brief dabble into the pros and cons.  Having said that it is an excellent action to make such a list because often we say it flippantly that we should list the positives and negatives of every decision before we take it but we seldom actually have the courage and trust in one another to voice the full story and see what action is best to take.  We sometimes prefer to not inflict hurt or pain on others and so we insulate them and protect them.  Sometimes we don't have the energy to craft a complete reply or resolution to the problem we face.  Sometimes we even get frustrated because the message we are trying to convey does not reach the ears of the correct person and often we simply give up before we get to the true solution because we determine or presume that the other person just does not see the perspective we want them to.  Although none of these outcomes may be desirable  they are part of life and we might learn something from them, all be it that the answer is less than favourable.  Ultimately we may have to go at certain things alone and sometimes when we least expect it the fact that we made an intentional motion towards something results in a chain of events that gathers momentum to a new station and a fresh start.

Make that a NO!

Keeping it short and sweet.  Sometimes this is best when dealing with people and managing their needs - a straight forward yes or no even if they may get frustrated or irritated.  Why should we always consider what other people want from a question.  Particularly in parenting we have become a generation that bows and scrapes to make the lives of our children easier.  We cover for them and try to ensure that they don't suffer, but it ends up making them soft and unable to face the world that awaits them which is often everything but warm and fuzzy.  Sometimes the best answer is simply no! Why do we need to justify every decision we make in life - we don't, nor do we have to apologise every time we make a decision and someone dos not like it - we don't have to give the popular answer all the time.  Today my blog is simply this - accept no as part of decision making process of life and deal with it accordingly- nothing more and nothing less!

Seconds out.... Round Adversity!!

Adversity is part of our lives and touches us in many ways and at many times, over a lifetime.  It may be unexpected, or sudden and sometimes it shows itself clearly and on other occasions it lies hidden for a while, almost waiting to strike.  Sometimes we deny it's existence and we fight against the consequences and circumstances of adversity.  But the focus of this blog is the ability to fight back, to shed the shackles of adversity and to reclaim control over our lives and the precious gift that life represents.  A song has words that go like this, "Like a small boat on the ocean sending big waves into motion, like how a single word, can make a heart open, I might only have one match, but I can make an explosion" - when adversity comes knocking there is nothing better than to fight it off to get rid of fear and anxiety and to see the full extent of the strength we can gain from family, friends and even total strangers.  The song goes on to say "This is my fight song take back my life song, prove I'm alright song my power's turned on (OK this lady clearly lives elsewhere and not where Eskom is operating!!) starting right now, I'll be strong I'll play my fight song, and I don't really care if nobody else believes cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me." It is so important to maintain the right attitude when adversity strikes because you will know exactly what it will require to drive you out of the tough times and into the light.  People may be sceptical or unable to see what you are going through, but as an individual you are attuned to what will be required to open your life to true success.  I am not advocating individualism because faith is extremely important, but as we come in to the world as individuals and we die as individuals, we need to know ourselves (with our faith) what it takes to make it through the obstacle or difficult time we are going through.  The rules of engagement against adversity are simple, identify the source, gather the people and the support that you need and this implies the people that believe in you, we need to see the end goal and the happiness that can exist in our lives, we need to give thanks for the opportunity to face the challenge and then finally we need to square up to whatever it is, to fight back, to live and not shrink back until you are on top of your world again.

Bottoms up Mate!

Friendships are an amazing thing because they can be lengthy or new, but they share the same qualities of care and goodness and honesty and support and they have the ability to grow and deepen and even to be tested and appreciated.  They are certainly not to be taken for granted, because they are precious and a lot less easy to accomplish, than may be first thought.  To identify a friendship is also not that easy because there are times when someone shows intent to begin a relationship and then it appears that really the friendship is nothing more than an acquaintance because of a common goal or a specific event in life that brings you together, or even a similar interest which lasts for some time, but then fades away.  So it is that we end up with many more acquaintances than friends and by the time we mature we are lucky to have a handful of true friends.  There are friends that understand us completely and they seldom judge but certainly tell us the truth whether it hurts or not.  They encourage and appreciate us for who we are, but they also value our input and feedback in their own lives.  It is never a single unilateral relationship that over powers the other even though there may be times when the one person needs more attention than the other.  Proper friendships do not keep score of whose needs are more or less, it persists and continues to yield amazing results.  Your words to a friend are taken at face value and trusted and unlike acquaintances that are looking to get something from the relationship, friends offer loyalty and a willingness to be more selfless than selfish.  There is so much to be said for not only having friends, but also for being a friend and once established these relationships are worth cherishing and celebrating.

Bounce and Splash

Why is it that some people feel compelled to continuously try to prove their worth even though they may be entirely competent at something.  The slightest comment or criticism or even a misplaced or insensitive word can result in them feeling like they have to refute the statement or reject the negative feeling that creeps up inside them.  How much time is spent pondering happiness and success instead of actually achieving it. Having the ability to flush negative feelings or comments and to rest in the current circumstances of ones life is very important to maintaining balance and a better understanding of oneself.  We are clearly not all equal in skill and experience and talent and yet some adjust so much better to negativity and the harsh realities of peoples opinions and nature to hurt and exploit others for their own gain.  Human nature is what it is and it is not easily changed so the person who is able to adapt and let things go like water off a ducks back are usually those that have less sleepless nights and are strangely content in their circumstances. The perfectionists are there to constantly strive to do things exactly correct and in  so doing often feel the criticism and rejection a lot sooner.  Being a person who rather avoids confrontation can result in real discontent and frustration and cause distraction where others may be oblivious to the negative comment and simply continue as though no words of negativity have been ushered.  Self belief is a very valuable asset to have and if it does not come naturally to your personality, it is still helpful to consider in the longer term trying to establish this skill by whatever manner we can because when we seem to be continuously flawed by setbacks this resilience and ability to bounce back will come in handy.

Dig Deeper into the Details

Part Two on details.  Having the ability to communicate a vision to fellow shareholders or even close friends and loved ones, is a real challenge and one which many visionary entrepreneurs struggle with.  To explain a vision you need to be specific and provide pertinent details to get a message across.  You cannot afterwards become frustrated if others don't understand what you said, because you have not been clear enough in imparting the information.  Stick to the facts and avoid opinion and try to be concrete in what you say, as opposed to abstract or theoretical examples.  This can be very frustrating when you think you know exactly what is right and what will work, but if you don't explain it with proper examples then others will remain lost and unable to fulfil what you require or expect of them.  Unfortunately, tolerance for routine is essential in running a business and to having a solid relationship.  There are not always highs and exciting times in the course of a lifetime and sometimes as frustrating as it may be when dealing with business procedures, they simply have to be done.  Being a maverick all the time can introduce harmful chaos.  Sometimes the tried and tested method works best and should not be discarded particularly if it still produces excellent results. Partnering with others that bolster any weakness in this area, can be very helpful.  Learning to love (check)lists improves attention to detail and can lead to greater efficiency and success.  They protect us from failure in more tasks than we can realise.  They help to alleviate memory loss, uncertainty about what is to be done and they give a sense of achievement when you are able to see how many items have been completed.  I am not advocating leaving lists all around the house for a spouse or kids, but they are a good net to catch our mental flaws.  One of the most underrated tools in business and indeed in life is remembering peoples names.  If you are like me then you never forget a face, but names are more challenging and one needs to get a trigger or method to remember names.  The detail shows that we are interested and care and that is why the pronunciation, the spelling and the remembering of names is a very underrated way of setting your business apart from others.  Finally and certainly not least, is the detail of making quality non negotiable. Whether it is in interpersonal relationships or even mere business transactions, adopting a quality mindset makes for sure success.  We need to stay with something until we have worked out all the kinks and there can be fun and enjoyment from trying multiple times to achieve a better standard in products or services. Quality is something which creates a competitive advantage and keeps a person coming back again and again, so that is why we have to keep going, until we get it right!

It is all in the Detail!

"Details matter," Steve Jobs said.  "Its worth waiting to get it right."  You may be on a journey towards something you know is right, but getting there is slower than you think - you can see the outcome, but as you try to get there, you realise that it will take much more detail and planning than you first thought.  Many big picture thinkers have a low tolerance for details.  They may be very clear on the vision for the future and where it will take them, but they can tend to neglect the practical details en route.  The most impressive people are those that have the ability to maintain strategic thinking and manage attention to detail.  They do it by implementing some valuable tools.  Firstly they tend to plan effectively.  This may sometimes be quite boring and doing things on the spur of the moment is more exciting, but planning properly and having the openness to discuss and share how to reach the end goal, is a worthy way to get to your destination. Keeping your eye on the bottom line is also very important, because like cash flow can cripple a business, so too, not constantly checking your outcome and practising how you want to get to the end goal, can be the difference in how large the margin for error may be and how to ensure that you maintain a safety margin at all times.  Next we need to be caring and courteous to others.  In business we should never let our station in life cause us to lose the courteous manner in which we deal with people.  In our relationships we must be mindful of the needs and wants of those closest to us and make them understand and believe that we care about their views and opinions and what is important to them.  Henry Clay (an American lawyer [and obviously a smart guy]) said "courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart".  Grace (and being willing to really try to understand our partner, employees or loved ones) and civility (really asking what we can do for others) make relationships run smoothly.  This is attention to detail.  Furthermore, we need to pay attention to the little things as they have an enormous impact. Nothing is irrelevant in a relationship and to individual branding.  Whether it is tidiness, or the last email that you sent - is each thing done in excellence and do they indicate that you care?  You may not always get direct appreciation but it sets a standard and this leads to the tone of the relationship which leads to it's ultimate success.

Let the change begin.

Sometimes the things we can't change end up changing us.  This is true for our lives and our relationships. Many times we go through a season of wanting to change things in our lives, but we have many bases loaded against us and very few opportunities to rectify that which is affecting us.  Maybe we can see that a change is necessary, but other people do not see things the same way.  Sometimes we hope that the other person will come round to our way of thinking, but they in fact know that perhaps we cannot handle the change or we have not actually thought about every aspect of the change like they have.  So although we may be adamant that the change is necessary, other people who may also be affected by the change can see another perspective, which keeps them from taking the change further.  In consequence they end up getting their way, all be it that it may in fact be for the best.  Because we cannot change these things, we tend to become frustrated and impatient instead of focusing on the aspects of the change which are still possible, or relevant and which can enhance our lives.  We may not always get the full extent of a change in our favour at the time we believe that it is important, but there is always something to learn from every attempt at change and perhaps the way we are changed, may in fact be a very good result, even if we think that it is not quite what we wanted.  We will never be able to manage every change and we cannot twist and manipulate every change to suit our needs.  We need to take cognisance of others needs and how the proposed change will in fact impact on their lives before we make a commitment to the change.  Once a change cannot be made, we are best to accept the realities of it and as the realisation sets in that we cannot be the master of all change, we can let go enough to embrace the way in which the decision is and will change us.     

Add some more weight and try a Superset

Sometimes you don't realise the weight of something you have been carrying, until you feel the weight of its release.  We all carry burdens around with us, which from time to time, feel heavier than usual or more onerous and tend to weigh down on our daily lives, sometimes more than we actually perceive, or see.  Whether it is a health issue, or some hurt or fear, these often submerged feelings actually impact on how we are able to cope with daily life and how we move forward daily in our journey.  We can try to be focused and suppress the feelings we have and we may even be able to successfully manage and control the views that others may have of us, but we cannot get away from ourselves and our true feelings when are alone and faced in the mirror with what lies squarely on our heart and shoulders.  "You can run, but you cant hide", is a famous saying in boxing circles to signify that even though you can move away from the imminent danger of your opponent for a long enough time, the fact is, that somewhere in the course of the bout, the opponent will close in on you and land a blow or two.  Life offers little reprieve from the tough times and we are not, any of us, spared a life of complete bliss.  This is why we sometimes have no choice but to let go of the complete control of every situation and expectations we have and become satisfied that our lives are as complete as we allow ourselves the opportunity to experience and no amount of fretting and self doubt, or uncertainty can take away the fears and trepidation we experience from time to time.  We just have to be willing to face the facts that we are not in control of everything and every relationship, and that it takes two or more to make it work, that every decision requires the exercise of a choice and every lonely moment presents an opportunity to find our true north.  We don't need others to make us happy, we can choose this for ourselves, we need not rely on someone else to be the cause of our peace, but we have the ability to take hold of it ourselves.  And as the weight of our life presses in on us, we need not give way to placing everything on our shoulders, but we can rely on faith and a strong will to succeed, so as to ensure that we get where we need to go.  Whatever we can no longer hold on to, we will need to let go and hope that what we have done to get to this point and whatever commitments we have made are indeed surmountable with the right attitude and an ability to face up to our new reality.

Mirror Mirror on the wall, whose decision is this after all?

Sometimes we have to make decisions, which are neither popular or pleasing, but which affect our lives directly.  I am not sure that we should ever feel bad for making a decision about our own life, which upsets other people.  We are surely not responsible for their happiness, but we are most certainly responsible for our own happiness.  To live in misery or discontent for the sake of their happiness, brings into question whether they really should be playing a direct part of your life.  Self preservation is very real in today's terms, where business honesty and integrity is at an all time low.  Assistance offered is seen as looking for an angle and taking initiative as looking for a favour.  There are just so many negatives for every positive action, that many times people are swept up in the dreams and decisions of others instead of focusing on what lies before them.  Perceptions are formed and it is very difficult to trust to the degree where one can simply take a comment or advice, at face value.  But as much as teamwork and partnerships are very important, so too is the ability to sometimes make our own decisions and to go through situations rather than to stop short, because of what others may think or how their lives may be affected or impacted by our decision.  Ultimately we need sometimes to make decisions for our own self protection or even relevance and the ability of those close to us, to discern this need and to offer support and understanding, goes a long way.  We may have our reasons why we don't think it is a good idea or a correct decision, but we sometimes need to just be there as a support rather than as the one taking the circumstance of another and imposing our needs and requirements into that situation.  The next generation needs to also have the confidence to make decisions and not feel that they are so under equipped and incapable that the decision must be made for them.  We still need to empower the youth and not just make the decisions for them even if it is easier said than done.  We are often guilty of micromanaging every decision and we do so in the name of protecting others and yet we end up with unfulfilled goals and bitter people, who have never sensed failure and the ability with others by their side to rise above those negative and tough times and to stand up firm and better equipped.  We need to take responsibility for decisions we make and support others to do the same - simple isn't it?.

Moving Forward Again

Fifthly we need to stop choosing to do nothing.  We are fortunate that we do not know the hour or the minute appointed for our death and we have no choice in that time.  So having identified that we cannot control this aspect, we may as well decide to do something about our lives right now.  Every day we are blessed to complete, should not be an analysis of what we could have done, but rather of what we did do and how we did it (in excellence and with passion).  We also need to abandon the need to always be right.  I do believe in excellence in everything, but this does not preclude us from saying and accepting when we are wrong.  This helps us to learn new things and to move forward without getting trapped in pride that we cannot be wrong and everyone else around us, must be the problem.  We can end up spending far too much of our precious lives justifying how we are not wrong, but ultimately to accept a part in any mistake and move on is far more beneficial to the end game, especially if the thing that you want is worth so much more than getting stuck in the justification, of whether you are right or wrong.  Next we need to stop running. Stand and face the issues and fix the problems, don't slink into despair or self persecution. Communicate and express your love to those that you care about and be sure to love the people in your life that deserve it.  It may sometimes feel like they don't love you back, but never let that stop you from loving them anyway. In eighth place we need to stop making excuses rather than decisions, because many long term failures are borne out of excuses instead of failures.  You have to try (properly not just with words) to see if something will work or you will not ever be able to establish for real, if you are not willing to give the situation or circumstance a chance.  You have a hundred percent chance of failing if you do not even try.  Remember not to overlook the positive points in your life.  We see the things we are looking for and this can influence our lives into a particular direction.  It will be extremely hard to be truly happy if you are not thankful for the good things in your life right now.  Patience is a virtue it is said, but how often are we not pushing for things to happen as we want them (often immediately).  But we need to afford ourselves the time to enjoy the things in our lives as they are now; what we have now may not be that bad and in fact may be exactly where we need to be, now.  Finally, the last thing to let go is not appreciating the present moment, because this above most others things is pivotal to reaching our goals.  In golf if your body is moving when you hit the ball, it will not go straight.  Similarly in life we need to be steady in the little things and become good in what we have and do now, before we can embark on the accomplishment of something huge.  Life is made up of many little things and added up together, they result in a far grater life than we can imagine.

Moving Forward!

I am not one to give up but in this context, what are some of the things, that we need to give up, to be able to move forward.  I will deal with them in 2 days and the list as usual comprises 10 things (why is it always 10!).  First thing on the list to give up, is letting the opinions of others control your life.  We need to manage what we think about ourselves and try to do what is ultimately best for ourselves and our lives, not that which we think is best for someone else, or what others think they expect of us.  In the words of Chris Rea, "you can waste a whole lifetime trying to be what you think is expected of you, but you will never be free".  Other people's opinions of you, do not really count in the bigger scheme of things and since people are fickle and change their minds, putting too much reliance on others to make us the people we want to be, is a waste of time.  If they want to be in your life, they will make it important to them, in every area.  Secondly, we need to get rid of the shame of past failures because our past does not equal our future.  What has happened in the past cannot change what you are doing at this moment and so living in this current moment is all we have, so we should really put more attention into that, than what we may have done in the past.  We need to be brave enough to live now and get on and do it.  Thirdly, getting rid of indecision, is a key element.  The reason for this is that we will never be able to leave where we are, until we decide where we would rather be.  This is so true, but also quite difficult at times, because we may think that this new direction will be rosy, but we are just not sure if we are fully sure, that it will be better than what we have at the moment, so we use terms like "rather the devil we know than the devil we don't" and "will the grass really be greener on the other side".  But if we decide to follow a decision, then we need to do so passionately, because this will be the motivation and the confirmation that we are in the right place.  We all know that when we experience something with passion and commitment, how good it is and even though we accept our normal, it is never the same as that which we experience with passion and a real sense of purpose.  We also need to stop procrastinating over the goals that matter to us.  Call me pragmatic but everything is about a choice and we have in simplistic terms 2 choices (actually let me say that we have another 2 choices, being the primary choice of life or death, when it comes to believing - an eternal choice in other words). But for the sake of this blog the choices are to accept conditions as they are, or accept the responsibility for changing them.  It does not take much to get started on the choice, but talking about it will not get the job done.  It will ultimately take an action to change the decision from a thought or word, to a real experience.  

Hats off to the Disabled

Today marked the tenth anniversary of the South African Disabled Golf Open sponsored by Nedbank and I had the privilege to participate in the corporate event after the tournament itself.  It was a memorable day and I was truly intrigued and impressed by the quality of the golf, but more importantly the manner in which the players treated each other at the event.  I played with one of the young rising stars and the way he is treated by his fellow players and their families was remarkable.  We can learn so much from the manner in which basic qualities of respect and acceptance are displayed and it led me to truly ponder how we treat people and how often we waste valuable hours on petty misunderstandings and grudges over things, when in the bigger picture we are so blessed to have all our faculties and are able to mange the basic things in life with no problems and yet these men and woman, for whom the very basic things are a challenge, let alone playing golf and this becomes a reality check to be more accepting of the faults of others, more inclined to resolve issues faster and to enjoy every minute we have with those we care about, because we do not know what awaits us in the future.  Holding on to people who are dear to us is very important and not to let the "little foxes" bother us is an invaluable lesson.  The other thing I learnt was that spending time to interact with others in whatever way we can, makes this country a special place to live in, that through sport like running, or cycling, or golf people unite and talk about their lives and business and yet it seems to be mostly in a positive manner because it is doing something that they enjoy.  The conversations are more positive on the whole and good interaction is visible, not the usual race, political or socio-economic rubbish that we get from news and television.  South Africans can be uplifting and resilient and  compatible and we forget what a marvellous place we live in with lifestyle, weather and genuinely good people.  A true life lesson and a golf lesson too from a young man with physical difficulties certainly cleaned my senses to go in to work today with an attitude of appreciation for what I have and the motivation to make something of the opportunities that I have.

Ek hoor jou!!

How often do we hear words pouring from the mouths of people, we hear stories and opinions and we hear them venting and expressing how they feel and what they want and what they are missing. Some are desperate for conversation, some have something to get off their chest and others are perpetual whiners.  But are we actually hearing them?  We tend to build up a resistence to words which are used continuously and patterns in what people say, especially those that are closest to us.  We waste so much time trying to explain to others who we know at the end of the day will just do their own thing and will probably still misunderstand us, notwithstanding what we say or suggest.  It takes a rare talent in someone who hears even the silences and the quiet moments and yet is still able to figure out, what it is that you are trying to say.  How often do you hear the words like "are you even listening to me" or "why do I even bother speaking, when you are not listening".  We need to be more attentive to hearing what others are trying to say and not simply listening for the sake of doing so.  It means though, being able also to realize when people are talking for the sake of conversation and  when they are truly searching and reaching  out and once they hit the correct chords, we can make an invaluable contribution to their lives by hearing the words and helping them to implement those feelings or actions they desperately want to achieve, but they need the push to do something about it.  Only a person that hears what it is all about will be able to reply in the way that either helps to give them confidence to go on, or convinces them not to go further.  It is a question of linking trust to listening and cutting through all the words and sentences and focusing in on the crux of conversations.  You make get a reputation of being impatient or a little too focused on facts, but it is remarkable how we ultimately look to the people that say very little to begin with and who rather hear us, resist judgement and respond with a few well placed and meaningful words, to be the ones that we want along side us through our journey in life. 

Don't just stand there... come in!

I came across the following saying and at first thought that it may be somewhat harsh, but on further reflection, it is worthy to note and consider and has some relevance to the world we live in today.  It states, "If you want to be part of my life, then the door will always be open.  If you want to leave my life, again the door will always be open, but don't stand in the doorway, because you are blocking the traffic".  The essence of relationships is to ensure, that we invite those that are closest to us into our "space" and that we are willing to be open to give and to receive.  This is difficult, when I look at the youth of today and how they struggle with closeness and spending quality time with one another, due to social media influences, the pace of life and the demands of work and societal expectations.  This means that many times they are hesitant to open up fully for fear of the repercussions when it comes to comments, on social media and via the Internet.  Even in business the integrity is often missing and thus people put up walls and screens so that one cannot really see what they are going through.  You have to be careful to expose yourself too much, because this can be used against you, or even result in presumptions and stigmas, which are not easy to refute.  It therefore takes courage to leave the door open, but there is certainly nothing better than to have the ability at times to know that there is a place or a person that you can fully trust and who will not judge you at the first sign of difficulty.  On the other side of the coin those that are not interested in being in our lives quickly show their true colours and one learns with experience (that is a nice way of saying when you get older) that it is not worth wasting good and precious time on circumstances that will not change and which can only cause frustration, pain or difficulty.  The faster these things are let go from your life, the better and holding on to grudges, harbouring ill feelings and making yourself sick with anger or bitterness, only ends up making you feel bad, whereas the cause, is often oblivious to the affect on your life.  However, many people get caught in the doorway, where they are neither fully committed to the relationship or they have doubts and they end up being too "soft" or "sympathetic" or "respectful" to say something, so the air is filled with tension or the atmosphere is uncertain.  We cannot decide if we should say something for fear of hurting them and they end up hanging around with neither party gaining any substance from the relationship.  This is where having a person or two that Speaks their mind and breaks the uncomfortable moment is invaluable and refreshing and they are certainly to be cherished and admired for the ability to cut through the silences and help you to clear the doorway of baggage and assist you to make the right choices that ensure that the doorway remains open, so that through it we can fulfil our goals and dreams.

I choose to .... today!

If you want to be happy you have to be happy on purpose.  It takes real intent to be happy, when so many things around you, simply indicate otherwise. You may be struggling to come to terms with work circumstances, with relationships, or with financial concerns.  These factors may be weighing heavily on you and you may be anxious, despite the fact that you portray to others and yourself, that you are fine.  Yet you still need to show intent in the moment you become conscious to take up the banner of happiness and let it reside in your heart.   When you wake up you cant just wait to see what kind of day you'll have.  You have to decide what kind of day you will have.  Making this choice can be difficult for a whole lot of reasons, things like hurt and pain and unforgiveness and misunderstanding, can all stand in the way of your potential happiness and the quicker we enter into a new day with the intention to make today count for something, the sooner the day will become less about trying to make it better and more about experiencing it as better.  There is a conscious decision to be positive and to live in freedom each day notwithstanding all the woes and frustrations that surround us.  Take into today what makes you happy, don't stop trying to reach the dreams that make you happy even if others may think that this does not suit your life or that your responsibilities preclude you from a future such as many could only dream of.  Taking hold of a positive choice and committing to it in this phase of your life can surely only bring enormous joy, a fresh start or even a time of real productivity, passion and success.  It is easy to hang around in the place that you are comfortable but deep down there is nagging in you that this is not all that you want to achieve.  Therefore you need to be purposeful in what we want to get out of today and not forgetting your responsibilities and commitments, you can still take hold of the future that you imagine and which will be there if you decide to grasp it with both hands.

Knock Knock ..Opportunity is here.

Opportunity it may be said, sometimes knocks loudly and in clear view and other times, it comes like a thief in the night; yet it comes and goes over a lifespan and anyone working in business will know, as in life, that there are times of more and sometimes times of less opportunities than we can possibly imagine.  We all know that circumstances and situations are often beyond our control and yet we do have an influence on opportunities and this can result in whether we are able to take them firstly and secondly, if we are actually able to make something of them.  In our lives we will not be short of opportunity, but we often fall short of realising, which ones to take and which ones are best left unexplored.  We could ask ourselves certain posing questions before we decide to take the chance, such as where did it come from, who did it come from, is it something that will make our lives easier, or better, or more worthwhile; does the opportunity result in a positive experience for us and how are others impacted, if we take the opportunity for ourselves.  Do we rather allow someone else the opportunity, or is it destined for ourselves and in order to make us happier, or more successful.  Sometimes we have to understand that we need to leave the opportunity, because by pursuing it, we will have to let go of another opportunity.  This is difficult, when both look like the right thing and yet through proper analysis, sound advice from those we trust and a whole lot of luck, we may actually get the right decision and make the most of the opportunity that has an even greater influence in our lives.  Never be afraid to take the opportunity when it does come and don't think that you are not worthy of receiving it, when it comes.  Many times people know that the opportunity will make a definite positive influence on their lives, but they think with poor self belief, that what if they are not right and they look at all the possible problems before they decide and having pondered the situation for so long, the chance is gone forever.  It is not too often that an opportunity presents itself on more than one occasion and hesitation can be very costly.  So don't give up on opportunity, do not rest until you have it, be brave enough to capture it and be resilient enough to see it through.

Are you to be the Judge?

We need to be careful before we judge others, because we are all a little $#¥€ up ourselves.  We all have things in our lives that affect us and hurt us and prevent us from fulfilling our full potential and daily life and its circumstances have a profound effect on us.  We are influenced by family, friends, clients and our surroundings, all of which can at a time influence the way we act and feel.  We need to try to be accommodating of others, even if we think that they have either a lesser intelligence, or fewer means, or less experience.  Basic manners and the ability to treat all people with respect, is a very necessary and desired quality especially in our country.  It amazes me how often we think we are doing just fine and we can really offer advice and example to others, only to find that circumstances change and we are the ones in need of the help and support.  If we have been arrogant and proud, then chances are that others will not be running to assist and we will be left to our own devices.  Yet if we have tried in humility and with a teachable spirit, to engage with others, then chances are they will be able to associate with us and step in to help when our tough times come.  We do not always truly know what it is, that is happening behind the walls and guards that people have placed around them and they will not easily open up a door, to let you in, unless you are someone that they can see will not betray their trust and who will not show a predisposition to judge them, no matter what the situation is.  Although this is a lot more difficult to execute than to write down on a paper, you may find a few such people that cross your path in life and who are brave enough, to accept you as you are and what you may be going through.  Not everyone can also handle the information that is given to them and they succumb to the weaknesses of "skinner", disapproval and emotional, rather than rational advice.  Do not in turn judge them for this, but try to understand that you can only have  a few confidants in your life and you too can only be something to a few people and not to all that cross your path.  Try to be selective and respectful and you will be the 'reasonable judge' and not the 'judge and executioner'.