Did you say something?

Communication is such a valuable part of life and the skill to know when to speak and what to say, is a truly valuable tool to have.  The so called "gift of the gab"is given to some, who have an amazing talent for raising issues, dealing with problems and addressing others in a way that motivates and leads.  Words are very powerful in a modern society and our choice of words is incredibly important in order to bring across a message, or make others feel comfortable to open up and express themselves.  So when do we speak and should we ask questions, or rather just listen.  Even holding a simple conversation, can be a challenge, when both parties talk at once and the message, or the reason for the conversation can be lost, while people try to get their own words in before the other.  Communication is obviously letting the other person also talk and waiting for the appropriate time to respond.  We all at times forget this simple rule and go off on a tangent.  I tend to be a person that sometimes waits too long to communicate and sometimes, it is considered as brooding over something, or not saying what I feel.  I like to mull things over a few times and think of all the permutations, before I say something.  The problem with this approach is, that often we then over analyse and by the time we do utter the words, we have been wanting to say, it comes through with a mix of feelings and compromises and seldom achieves the result, we may be looking for.  Like many other things communication is a habit we get into and it can be broken with enough trying and we are able to learn to communicate better, or a in a different way.  I don't believe in the excuse that "I can't help it - it is just the way I am"scenario.  Better communication starts with being selective with words, but not mincing words, it means listening to the other person and not merely hearing someone speak, it means having a purpose in what we are wanting to bring to the conversation and not feeding our own needs and what we can take from it.  It also means engaging others, to give a response and then actually considering, processing and responding appropriately.  Finally, if you are like me, that tends to clam up, then you need to practice and consciously strive to open up the channels of communication and see where the effectiveness of the words will fall.