Feel the Burn!!

Someone close to me recently suffered a disappointment and I could see the effect it had on them.  It produced an understandable reaction, because it brought into question their whole future and dream and what they believed would be in their near future, with relative certainty, but it made me realise ever more that the recipe to success lies not just in our own expectation and beliefs, but in outside factors, over which we have little or no control.  It is impossible when dealing with a setback not to have feelings of uncertainty and confusion, but it should alter the factors we can control and over which we have power and dominion.  These are the things that we can focus on and get stronger and more emotionally ready to face future challenges.  Talent may be a gift, but it is not a right of passage to success.  Nor is physical health, discipline, skill or  even faith.  It takes a complete combination of various ingredients, regular practise and lucky moments to end up in the right place at the right time.  Take Tiger Woods for example, he has immense talent and from a very young age he set about the golf world, with raw talent and a competitive edge. Nothing could stop him, from breaking record upon record and he was quickly regarded as the greatest golfer of all time.  Breaking every record was so easily within his grasp (it was just a matter of time),  until a series of events unfolded in his life, which took him on a journey where as recently as yesterday he shot the worst score of his professional career and missed the cut.  How is this possible? He had a series of circumstances, some of which were in his sphere of influence and over which he should have exercised control but didn't, there were injuries which he could not have easily have foreseen, but in hindsight may have looked more after his body, when he was young and swinging without thought or fear of injury and then he let things in his personal life, be affected by fame and wealth.  I am still convinced that he will eventually go on to break every record in golf, but he does not have it to himself any longer.  He needs to go back to the place he was in before the setback started, re evaluate and extract the things, that he had, that got him to the top in the first place. To stop trying to change everything he previously did and live the game and remember the time when he was unbeatable.  He needs to draw close to those that made him rise and enjoy what he has right in front of him.  In the movie Noting Hill there is a scene where Julia Robert says to Hugh Grant that though she is a famous actress, she is just a girl standing in front of a boy telling him that she loves him.  That is good advice to take in life when dealing with a setback to go back to a happy place and start again and stick to the things that make us happy and pour our passion into the people and circumstances that really make us thrive and achieve.  Do what you can to be happy and do the things or have the relationships that remind you of a time of success and prosperity. 

Knock Knock who's there!

Sometimes people say or you may think that you need to rather let something go, because it wont succeed, but what if your belief is so strong that you cannot think of giving it up, or letting it go.  You realise that the odds are stacked against you and you may have complications and visible challenges, but what if you truly believe in the outcome and the possibilities and you know that despite the odds you want to make it succeed.  You will surely always find people to point out the difficulties and even put the stumbling blocks at your door, but can you see past the obstacles and still go on, despite the negatives.  There will be those that try to convince us, that it is just not going to work out and that we would be foolish to give up what we have, because it is better to hold onto steady things, instead of wishful thinking and though they have the best intentions, they cant help themselves from expecting the worst from your decisions and feeling sorry for you, as you struggle with the  realities of your decision.  But surely they are just trying to act in your best interests and keeping you from being hurt or disappointed? But no matter what it is , it is easy to be caught in circumstances and there will always be fingers pointing at you especially if you show any inclination to succeed in what you are setting out to do, or fail at any aspect of your life.  You need to be true to yourself first and foremost and you need to hold onto the belief that even though the situation may be tough at the moment, you have the resolve to make it through the challenge and you can find happiness even in complicated situations.  If all challenges were easy and effortless, anyone could accomplish greatness.  But yet few find true enjoyment and fulfilment.  You may have to take steps back to go forward and you may even have to put aside the things that look perfect in favour of the risk, that will make you most happy.  But don't shy away from this gift, as it is the gift of a passionate, lasting and uncompromising success, achieved through sustained hard work, joyful ... hard work and lastly ... Good old hard work.

Wake me Up!

Some of my favourite lyrics of a song say "Feeling my way through the darkness, guided by a beating heart, I can't tell where the journey will end, but I know where to start."  This seems very apt at the moment with all the load shedding and power cuts in our country!  Bur realistically, it feels to me that since 2008, not much certainty exists in anything we do and perhaps the most constant thing is change.  I certainly have not felt for several years, that there is a consistency to the year in prospect and what it will hold, but we seem to have to keep adjusting and changing to make the environment fit into our lives.  The world in many instances appears to have gone mad and humanity is doing its best to bring destruction upon itself.  I feel sometimes that I can plan all I like, but a set destination and a certain result seems to be a hard thing to achieve.  I certainly do know where to start and at the beginning of each year, I do start again with goals and dreams for the year. That is really all I can do, is to start each year with a vision for what I would like to achieve and then let life run with me headlong into the year.  Planning too far in advance seems to be problematic and although I would wish to be able to plan for years to come, it is just not accomplishable at this time in my view.  The song goes on to say " I tried carrying the weight of the world, but I only have 2 hands" - this is very appropriate for me in the last few years too and I realise that no matter how hard we try to accomplish the things we want, that if it is not meant to be, then no amount of worrying and pressing will achieve the desired result.  The song says "I wish that I could stay forever this young and not afraid to close my eyes"  - it amazes me that as time marches by we can appear to be doing things, but really merely be treading water and repeating the same challenges without breakthrough.  Sometimes we actually have to close our eyes and allow our imagination to go open and think of the possibilities in a new way.  The song says further  - "they say I'm caught up in a dream, well life will pass me by if I don't open my eyes, so wake me up so when I'm older and wiser all this time I was finding myself and I didn't know I was lost.  I hope your dream leads you to a successful destination and that what lies ahead will be worth every tough time and every setback.

Chit Chat Hows That!

A good conversation is often priceless in today's rushed and pressurised world.  Communication is often so rushed and brief, because of the fast paced world we live in, that we may forget how valuable a meaningful chat, or a genuine catch up of events and thoughts can be.  To talk in conversation is one thing, but to listen while conversing is entirely another.  True communication is defined largely by the reciprocal action of sharing and receiving.  We need to make time for this, as often as we can.  Often when we have not spoken to someone for some time, we could be inclined to ask a few basic questions for appearance and when asked in turn we gush directly in a selfish mode and speak of ourselves, while not taking into account that the person we are speaking to, may well have something important to share with us.  It is incredibly important to listen to what others say and take in the tone they use, the words they select and the way in which they react to prompting or questions.  If we are able to remember something from the conversation, it means that the next time we see that person, we can really relate more to them and begin to understand their needs and wants.  Superficial conversations are so common today, as we interact less in the workplace and even socially but more and more through various media devices like SMS and email. Yet a personal conversation is a winner and will tell us more about a person than all the others combined.  Once we have been able to open channels of communication, we should try to hold onto those times and celebrate the openness and frankness with which we are able to talk in our country.  We may have differing views on things, but we are not prevented in our society from conversing about any topic. So let your next conversation with a friend or family member be meaningful and make sure to take something from it, that you can park in your memory and treasure.  Use conversation time wisely.  I am not talking about speaking for the sake of speaking, but positive interaction with laughter and emotion and genuineness.  I think that you will find it liberating and enjoyable and it may fill you with belief in good human nature and insight into the people we interact with daily.  It may steer us into maturity with greater understanding, opportunity and an important belief in humanity.

Once bitten ....keep biting!

Is is possible to change circumstances with ease.  There are so many books and talks, stating that you can change your diet, your health, your anger issues etc, but is it as clear as that?  We sometimes have an event or person that gives us a perspective on something and we really want to change it, but on a balance of probabilities, can it be achieved?  We may also have various habits or characteristics which we may need to change or be adjusted and the question there is whether all can be changed at once, or if it is a slow process.  I think that the answer is probably in favour of a slower change due to the fact that most changes take a while, to be fully effective.  The quick fix scenario, seldom holds for very long and we end up slipping back into the same habits.  But if you have the feeling to make a significant decision and you are prompted to set the wheels in motion, then decide on a specific approach and take meaningful steps to daily consider your actions and decisions.  Financial freedom is often spoken of in these terms where the chances of an overnight complete turn around is few and far between (and you have to have a lotto ticket or a proper benefactor).  Even those that are incredibly well off, have taken time to get to the result they are looking for.  For many the thought of going slowly towards a goal is too much to consider and they eventually abandon the idea.  I also find that often we feel motivated for a time and then a set back causes us to loose belief in a project or decision and we rather stick to the notions and circumstances we can handle and are used to.  Our comfort zones are wonderful places of bondage.  Many times people go about a change too fast and push too hard, to change every aspect they can all at once.  A total change is not always the way to go and rather taking an aspect of a circumstance and working on that daily, will get you to the end almost quicker than if you go heading straight into something  - you may get some of the way, but at the end not all the way.  Rather go step by step and tick off the successes until the small successes result in a big win.

Make it Right!

I thought it may be good to focus on the word RECONCILIATION today in this short piece.  It is a word that has many differing contexts in this country and certain has been used liberally in the past.  We have had forums like the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, but this relates more to us as individuals as opposed to political or national matters.  The word breaks up nicely into RE, which can stand for many things such as Reconsider, Redemption, Release, Renewal, Respect, all of which have relevance in the term and reference to Reconciliation.  The part RE really does remind us to put things of the past behind us and to begin, or start a new chapter or season without thinking too much or dwelling unnecessarily on the past.  It the building part of getting over the bridge to get to the other side.  The CON part of the word deals with Construction, Connecting, Consciousness, Consequence and helps us to remember, that as we start the process of rebuilding we need to be deliberate and motivated in restoring the past and yet we must also make sure that it is not just going through the motions.  The CON is an active phase of doing things, which needed to be done differently and in earnest and making sure that we follow through on the actions we have started.  It is also about taking a chance on something and though there will be consequences, perhaps it is the time now to start with it, as opposed to waiting for the perfect time.  It is by no means an easy time, but certainly a rewarding and enriching time and it should be savoured and cherished and enjoyed.  Don't dwell  too long on the RE of CON, but more on the C of CILIATION, because this is where the future and its success lies.  Ciliation is a time of flourishing under the new ways you do things, not just learning from the healing of old sores and not even building for new challenges, but actually living them in a spirit, which is fruitful, focused and flourishing.  May your reconciliation of whatever you are going through, be a liberating experience.

Thanks for listening Mate!

Yesterday was a day of upsets in the English FA cup, but certainly a good lesson for some like the manager of Chelsea FC who said it would be a disgrace if his team lost to a team like Bradford.  Two hours later and in the history books forever he was surely regretting the arrogant comment. Sometimes we make comments expecting a certain result and by the time the words are hardly out when we realise the ramification of what we have let loose.  Being a manager of a team like Chelsea FC comes with some expectations and demands and being a quiet soul is probably not one of them.  You would need to be opinionated and self assured and almost cocky in your manner.  But people like this certainly do not always endear themselves to others and result in people often wanting you to fail or reminding you of any errant comment. Words uttered are not easily recalled and comments made flippantly and without proper thought can certainly send us down a path of broken relationships and damaged feelings.  Sometimes we are wise to hold back on insensitive comments, but how do we gauge what needs to be said and what comes so easily from our tongues and should be left unspoken.  Having a person of substance who can shoulder your concerns is a wonderful thing.  There is surely merit to the saying that a man (woman) is considered wise if he (she) is a man (woman - seems a contradiction but that is another topic!) of few words.  Such people are usually good listeners and it is worth knowing a few men and woman to help us in times of testing. And how is that some people with ease seem to be able to illicit a response and cause us to pour out our words.  Some have the ability to get others to speak and share and when we are with them we feel the need to spill our guts too.  We end up gushing and later think how did we manage to share all that information when the person asked a mere question or two.    If such a person has integrity as well and can maintain your trust, they become worthy of being a valuable friend. We often face challenges in our lives and to have a person whom we can share with at any occasion and notwithstanding what we may say they continue to be there is truly rewarding.  Their ability to not cast judgement on us and support can be meaningful and we not have to stand alone when we may have the opinions and comments of others flying at us.  Sometimes though we have to appear strong and brave their soothing word may come at the right time when we just need some encouragement.  So even when it is our job or it is necessary to produce an angry or ill considered comment, let us remember the someone who is ready to respond to the aftermath appropriately and be grateful for their blessing upon our lives.

Don't Try so Hard Son!

Is it possible to try too hard.  In sport, it is often said, that you need to relax and trust your swing, or your rhythm, or your ability and talent.  But very often, the ones we say this about, are also people that have spent countless hours, preparing for the very moment and have sacrificed so much, to get the opportunity to succeed.  In life, many times, we also work ourselves to a point or place, where we may get the opportunity of a lifetime and we tell ourselves, not to overplay it, or to remain calm before the presentation, or the discussion, only to try too hard and perhaps not deliver the words or message, as we wanted.  But the important thing remains, that we have shown enough discipline and dedication to get to the moment itself and this time and effort cannot be discounted and should not be considered as a waste?  In fact we need to sometimes take a moment to reflect in the effort and be grateful, that we have received the anointing or ability, to be placed in a position or situation in the first place. Sometimes, people do come at the right time and bring an encouraging word, which gives us comfort.  Sometimes a difficult situation gives rise to a new opportunity and a greater season than we expected.  But there is no doubt, that trying the same thing continually sometimes draws us into a bad habit and we end up repeating things for the sake of habit and we never see that the opportunity is slowly slipping away.  We keep "hitting balls" because we think that the more we hit, the better our chance to hit the perfect shot.  But often times it is when we stop repeating the shot over and over and rather grab another club in our hand and hit a different type of shot, or take a risk on a different opportunity, that the breakthrough comes.  In the movie Sex Tape, a couple have always had good sex without trying and yet now years into their marriage, they are confronted with the fact that their trying is getting them nowhere and they decide to make a tape to rekindle their successful past .  It sets off a series of lessons much like we experience in life and business and yet in the end it grants them a breakthrough, that the skills they have learnt over the years, are not lost but able to provide them with foresight and passion to achieve a greater success (love).  So when your 'trying' becomes too 'trying' take a 'moment' to think about the 'moments' gone by and give yourself the 'break' you need to put the 'brakes' on failure and I am sure that the next 'season' of your life will have a rich new 'flavour'.

Let there be light!

"Darkness  falls across the land, the midnight call is close at hand".  These were the epic words at the end of Michael's Jackson's song Thriller.  Darkness can be terrifying and it has the ability to close in on us, much as the darkness became even tangible to the Egyptians during the 10 plagues. The ninth plague  was described as being so dark for 3 days, that not even a torch could penetrate it.  I personally never liked the dark, as a child and for a long time, it was very intimidating when one had to be in total darkness.  The same largely in today's modern world where there is much darkness prevailing and sometimes it feels like it is moving in to crush our resistance.  There is so much uncertainty and negativity, that we wonder how we will be able to make it through the deepening gloom.  In our country quite literally, we are expecting to spend a lot of time in the dark  in the next few weeks, as Eskom tries to stabilise the electricity grid.  But the fascinating thing about darkness, is that it only takes one ray of light, to burst through the darkest dark and the darkness has no option, but to flee and be gone.  Light penetrates darkness no matter what, and in the same way, we need to project our lives in a way, that we burst forth in light, whenever we feel darkness approaching.  We can bring light to others in so many and easy ways, that I wonder why we do not do so more often.  From a well placed smile, or an encouraging word at a vital time, or a helping hand without seeking thanks, or a simple act of kindness, every one of these has the ability to cut through the darkness and permeate light.  We have all in this country been in a situation, where we are going about our business and suddenly the lights go off. Sometimes, things happen in our lives, when we think we are in the light and suddenly we find that it is dark all around us.  It can be intimidating because we were not prepared for it so we fumble around for a bit, looking for a match, or a candle, or a torch - anything to help us ease the fear.  We are not sure what to do, until we light that candle and suddenly a small beam of light gives way to a feeling of  more confidence and we are ready to search for the other candles in  the house.  Things become easier and we open up and start talking and the tense atmosphere in the house is lifted.  We may even find that the mood becomes lighter and almost bearable and our trepidation gives rise to fresh hope of success and a chance to start again.  Lets try to bring light to one another with encouragement, belief in the good that we can do and giving an opportunity where, we may have opted to sit in the dark.  Remember the moment when the lights suddenly come back on from a power cut and how everything springs to life.  Take a risk and light a match, where others are struggling in the dark and it may open up a whole new way, to a more "enlightened" journey through life.

Do I click send?

I am truly amazed by the growing impact of social media, messaging, instagram, tweets and how they are truly changing the world and its methods of communication.  We are all in some way impacted by it, whether it is worrying about our kids, or trying to get a message across to someone or even finding old time lost friends.  Even the so-called "older generation" is being alerted to social media and starting to use it even if it is just a click of "like" here or there, or a birthday wish.  How many people check their phones and Facebook before bed, change their profile and send subtle messages by changing status either to express their feeling or even to warn others of how they feel.  I think we are all being drawn into this milieu of instant messaging, expressing an immediate opinion and being able to keep up with events, almost as they happen.  Not much is left to the imagination and we hardly have to wait for big news these days, as the news is out almost before the event has happened. I too have become drawn like a moth to this worldwide phenomenon and yet I am suddenly more aware, that personal contact and communication is still to be encouraged and sought after.  I fear we may lose this ability to talk to others and open up with our words, if they are not typed and tweeted.  I hope to take a bit more time to speak to people and be brave enough to make mistakes with my words, rather than explaining it in a sms or a "probably to be misunderstood" message.  I want to be able to bring a message with words and not always have to hash tag it and keep it below 172 characters.  But, there is no doubt that this revolution is here to stay and a solid knowledge of where the technology is going, is better than burying our heads in the sand and remaining a techno dinosaur.  Like everything in life I guess moderation is the way to go.  Finding time to speak and not just tweet and to really laugh and not just use "smileys" and to have personal experiences rather than just posting a "selfie"seem to be possible in our future and all for the good. 

Let it Go or be Frozen!

Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places. There are many times when we question how we came to be in a particular situation and why the chips are stacked against us. We may feel let down, or confused by circumstances. It may feel like the whole world is conspiring to topple us. Many times, we look at others and our perception is that they are doing so much better than we are and they don't seem to be struggling, or going through challenges.  Some people have "all the luck" and make it look easy (just ask AB de Villiers).  But let's face it, we are not that easily defeated and we have the ability to rise to greater heights, if we begin to take stock of the choices we have made and the reasons we made them, then we will begin to discover that even some of the "bad choices" set up opportunities we least expect or perceive. I wondered if everyone contemplates daily as I do about their choices and if they have a sense of completion or emptiness, when they reach the end of a day.  I think about others and if they are satisfied, that they have achieved their best on the day. Have they experienced regret and stress and what they may be doing to avoid negative feelings.  Growth of character and maturity comes, not only from the good choices we make in life but even from those that were  less than ideal or even painful and how quickly we can digest them or allow them to swallow us.  It is important to own each one of our chices in a way, that we forgive ourselves and take any positive we can from negative situations and this will lead us into new places and exciting times, where we can explore further choices and work ourselves to a peaceful and enjoyable place.  It is amazing that when we let go and stop punishing ourselves, for bad, or rather imperfect choices, we get clarity of mind and the impediment to further success is quickly removed and replaced with favour, peace, fulfilment and a better existence.  

Did you say something?

Communication is such a valuable part of life and the skill to know when to speak and what to say, is a truly valuable tool to have.  The so called "gift of the gab"is given to some, who have an amazing talent for raising issues, dealing with problems and addressing others in a way that motivates and leads.  Words are very powerful in a modern society and our choice of words is incredibly important in order to bring across a message, or make others feel comfortable to open up and express themselves.  So when do we speak and should we ask questions, or rather just listen.  Even holding a simple conversation, can be a challenge, when both parties talk at once and the message, or the reason for the conversation can be lost, while people try to get their own words in before the other.  Communication is obviously letting the other person also talk and waiting for the appropriate time to respond.  We all at times forget this simple rule and go off on a tangent.  I tend to be a person that sometimes waits too long to communicate and sometimes, it is considered as brooding over something, or not saying what I feel.  I like to mull things over a few times and think of all the permutations, before I say something.  The problem with this approach is, that often we then over analyse and by the time we do utter the words, we have been wanting to say, it comes through with a mix of feelings and compromises and seldom achieves the result, we may be looking for.  Like many other things communication is a habit we get into and it can be broken with enough trying and we are able to learn to communicate better, or a in a different way.  I don't believe in the excuse that "I can't help it - it is just the way I am"scenario.  Better communication starts with being selective with words, but not mincing words, it means listening to the other person and not merely hearing someone speak, it means having a purpose in what we are wanting to bring to the conversation and not feeding our own needs and what we can take from it.  It also means engaging others, to give a response and then actually considering, processing and responding appropriately.  Finally, if you are like me, that tends to clam up, then you need to practice and consciously strive to open up the channels of communication and see where the effectiveness of the words will fall.  

Jump - go ahead Jump!

How is it that sometimes we have days, where obstacle upon obstacle occupy our minds and thoughts. Some seem insurmountable and about others we wish we had amnesia, so that we could forget them all together.  But yet, when we struggle with these obstacles in a manner of a superhero learning to fly, we realise that we can overcome the majority of them, placed before us.  We even learn in time, that some we can leap over and some we should go cautiously through.  Obstacles can be defining and liberating and yet for the most of us, our thoughts as we take a shower, or drive our car to work, is on the result we think will come from the situation, or circumstance and not enough on the planning to succeed in the aftermath of the worry-some thought we have just had.  One day we will leave this world behind, so make it one to remember and learn something each day from the obstacles that lie in our path.  Analyse the word OBSTACLE and you get the following; Opportunity to rise above the challenge and do it better, or try a different approach to a problem, such as faith instead of fear.  Be Bold and work yourself to a point where you believe that the obstacle is achievable and not a mountain facing you.  Stubbornness can be a valuable tool because it teaches you that you need to keep going and not stop at the first, or second, or third attempt.  The founder of KFC took 499 attempts at selling his chicken recipe, before he found one restaurant to serve it and look at the story history tells us now. Be Teachable in all things you worry about, meaning that taking advice (sound instruction) is just as helpful as striving on your own.  It is a balance, between committing to surpass the challenge and accepting help long the way. Accept the things you cant change and focus on the things that you can. Some things are inevitable and yet we fight against them continuously instead of accepting, that letting an aspect go is not necessarily defeat, but a chance to achieve other successes which may bring you back to the one big worry, you may have in a stronger position and more equipped to succeed in it.  Clarity and perspective are vital in our daily journey to meet challenges.  Don't let your thoughts be clouded by negativity and defeat.  Sometimes you may even have to fake it to make it (in your mind of course). Love is a vital component to any obstacle because it helps us to return to a place, where we feel safe and secure and we can recall moments of success and ecstasy and this can only help us to be renewed and strengthened for the attack on the difficult thing, we may be facing.  And lastly Exhale or breathe, because we become so anxious about a problem, that we forget the joy and blessing of breathing.  Don't exist to think about problems but live towards surpassing them daily and one obstacle at a time.

Are you really a success?

In early human times a mans destiny or future was determined largely by the family he was born into, which determined his status and effectively his station in life.  You were either born into aristocracy or you were a slave, or ordinary citizen, with very little in the way of a career, other than that which your father occupied.  If you were a citizen there were very few entrepreneurial offerings and life was a continuation of the life of your father or family.  The ordinary people considered their inferiority as an effect of the order of nature.  We have truly advanced in the sense that we now have opportunities for many more to succeed from the poor to the pinnacles of society.  There are many more stories of ordinary people succeeding in worldly terms.  The result though, was a new concern and that was that people began to feel that their pride and sense of worth was determined by achievements and we are humiliated if we do not reach the goals, we set for ourselves.  It was even the belief at a time, that where there is no attempt, there can be no failure and with no failure there is no humiliation.  We can try therefore to either attempt more and more things to sustain us and make us feel a sense of self worth, or we can simply reduce the number of things, we want to achieve.  There is a certain amount of relief when we begin to let go of too many pretences and desires and start to focus on the few, that we can achieve. The world however very often does not accept things like poverty, age or fat or even obscurity.  We are encouraged to invest more time in achievements and belongings.  This causes faith to be questioned and many people just think that this time on earth is the end of our journey and consequently there is far more pressure to succeed and the feeling that we are being watched every second of this life, because we have a brief opportunity on this earth to shine.  Others with faith, tend to see this life as a brief prelude to eternity and success in this life is not as important, against the backdrop of an eternal life.  Too many people if feel fall into the former category and this life is spent trying to gather as much wealth and happiness as they can, without their eye on a full life 'well spent'.  They are all about immediate gratification and accumulation of things, to make them feel better.  I am all for the decision to commit to a new goal or dream, but certainly one that can be actively treasured and pursued and which will result in a life of sustained growth, towards an eternal future.  If you want something new in your life take the first step, by all means.  If you are not happy with a relationship or a current job - change it with good reason - you can do almost anything you set your mind to and there are countless examples.  But always do so from the premise, that this life is not the end and that though it matters, what you do in this life, it is not to be measured against world views, standards or opinions, but against eternal criteria.  

Music is a thing of Note!

I love music and listening to music.  It is the most wonderful form of communication and relaxation.  It is able to set a mood and help one to change your mood.  It can help to send a message and it can soothe an aching heart.  Musical lyrics can tell a story and fill a void, where there may be loss or pain.  One can sit quietly and listen to it and one can dance and leap to it.  Diversity in music and tastes is very similar to people.  There are many genres and styles of music, as with people's personalities.  You get 'heavy metal' people, who are loud and in your face and 'pop' people, who are bubbly and vibrant; there are 'classical' people who are quiet and sophisticated and 'trance' people who are absentminded dreamers and always seem to be in another world.  Music can invoke so much emotion and is often a trigger to a memory or situation.  When we get married for example, we have a song that ushers us into the venue of the church and the reception.  During a funeral we have music to celebrate a life and the passing of a soul to eternity.  Our favourite movies have theme songs which many times help us to remember the movie long after we forget the actors, or the name of the film.  Sometimes when we cant express what we want to say, we can play a song to a person to help them remember how we feel about them.  Top sports teams and sportsmen and women  are motivated by a song, before they go onto their respective field, or track or court.  The music industry remains a massive influencer in life and yet often the people making the music do not always respect their effect on the youth and how much they can sway people's thinking and motives and thoughts.  It seems to be mostly about money and how many sales they can make, but the effect of music is so important that I hope that the makers realise their responsibility in shaping lives and futures.  To drive home after a long day and listen to your favourite song, or sit down to a glass of wine and put on a piece of music to bring about peace, or even go to a party where good music is playing and to dance to the beat until your feet ache are treasures in a life.  These are special moments and I am privileged to have the ability and the passion to hear the notes and words as often as I can.  

Stand and Deliver!

A curve ball is something which is unexpected, surprising, or disruptive.  Sometimes you can do all the planning and preparation for something, but a situation arises, which catches you unaware and brings a new and often unexpected opportunity.  I am a great believer in planning properly and I enjoy seeing an outcome achieved from proper planning that was done.  But experience has taught me a few things, like realising that one can never cover every aspect in planning, things can change in the blink of an eye and no matter how you plan, you can never achieve perfection.  I used to conduct a number of appraisals and the interviewer and interviewee had to complete a score for each section.  Many times the person would give themselves a 10/10 and I occasionally gave a 9/10.  When asked why, I always said that you should leave some room for improvement, as otherwise there is perfection, which is unheard of in mortal terms, or a reference to deity.  Since we all make mistakes, we need to leave some room for adjustment and correction, even with the best.  Curve balls slow our momentum and they divert our attention.  They hold us captive in a place where we are uncertain and they hamper our progress, to a more or lesser extent.  Curve balls cause us to question important aspects of our lives and they may hold us in limbo, until we realise that they are from a darker source and need to be covered  in light.  Sometimes they may be painful and hurtful and make no sense, but they are always overcome with the light of support, love and strength of character.  It may be said that curve balls are sent to bring a message, or open our eyes, to a new way, or path.  Either way, the adjustment we make to them, can result in a better future, or a changed situation. In baseball, where the term originally emanates from, the curve ball is used to distract the hitter and make him uncertain of what is to come.  However, never forget that every curve ball pitch is eventually met with a batter who focuses that little more and concentrates for the opportunity being presented, in the midst of a seemingly impossible ball and that batter is usually the one who eventually swings that fraction later, or wider and ends up hitting a home run.  The game is always won by the person who makes contact with the curve ball and where others swing and miss, he manages to make a meaningful strike on bad luck, disappointment and unfairness and as he runs from base to base or along seasons of life, he has the benefit of the liberating feeling of crossing the line to a standing ovation. 

What are you smiling about?

There is nothing like hearing an infectious laugh, or being on the receiving end of a flashy smile, when you know it is genuine.  Humour is a very underrated emotion and quite hard to come by, even in our modern world.  I always found it intriguing that magazine polls and radio shows report that men and woman place a lot of emphasis, when it come to relationships, on whether the other person can make them laugh, or has a nice smile.  We teach our children to smile so that the world smiles with us and not to frown, as we frown alone and we give them messages like "put a smile on your face" and "smile and wave".  I think that maintaining a sense of humour is very necessary, to help us to face daily challenges and circumstances - we need a reprieve sometimes, from the mundane existence, or a tough day in the office or an angry encounter. We need to physically seek to bring humour to a situation and when the opportunity arises we need to make the effort to smile and bless others, with a presentation of a set of teeth.  There is nothing to lose in exercising this emotion and it may even be a lot of fun.  Some people are naturally blessed with a wit, or ability to make others laugh, some are blessed with a smile or a laugh that just grabs your attention, or takes your breath away.  To them I say "carry on" and keep using your skill.  But what of those that find the going a bit tougher and cannot always find a smile so easily.  I think it is a matter of looking inwardly and accepting ourselves for who we are, actively looking for opportunities to bless others, being grateful for the blessing we have in our lives, no matter how small and precious, and resolving to meet a situation or person with a smile as opposed to the pensive look or the frown, we may want to present.  Like so many things in life, the choice or decision to meet a situation with an opposite spirit can be extremely effective and liberating.  Your momentary act of love may even be the very thing that the person opposite you was needing, or wanting from an encounter.  A smile in a tense situation can diffuse the atmosphere and a good laugh can open up every pore in your body and make you feel truly alive.  So actively pursue the moment and enjoy the experience - I am certainly going to try it today.

Sign these Agreements on the dotted line...

As we grow up (and even still  as an adult) we very often suffer from the fear that we need to please others to be a success.  I know that I was often very concerned about what others thought of me and what their expectations were of me.  Many young teenagers still go through this today as they begin to develop concerns about whether they will be accepted and acknowledged for what they do or ,say.  As a consequence, we often make presumptions to compensate for what we think others think of us and we end up confused and worried about outcomes, which were never there to be concerned about in the first place.  I  recently came across a simple teaching about making certain agreements with yourself which will result in a far better frame of mind and help you to face daily challenges when they spring up to meet you.  The first agreement involves your word and the ability to speak with integrity, by saying what you mean.  This is invaluable, as it will avoid gossip or negativity and encourages directing your words to love and truth.  That is probably why they say the truth will set you free.  Secondly, we need to understand that taking things too personally will only result in one taking the mindless and often needless comments of others to heart and giving far too much attention to them leading you to think, that what others do is because of you.  In reality we tend to project others reality into our own goals and desires and we attach the wrong value to opinions and actions.  We need to learn to be immune to the actions and words of others.  Thirdly, and certainly where I need to make the most adjustments, is in the area of assumptions.  We need to commit to ourselves, to raise questions with fortitude and truly try to express what we want.  This takes an attitude of humility and self sacrifice.  We need to have the freedom to clarify issues in a way that is aimed at avoiding misunderstanding and pain and to really strive to communicate clearly and concisely without the fear that the person  whom we are addressing, will rant and rave, or act in anger or try to hurt us.  This is a brave step and by cutting out so many unnecessary thoughts, we van have a far more focused approach to the things we want to achieve.  So don't be afraid to try and question but don't answer the question yourself and go off on a tangent with your thoughts, before the other person has even had a chance to respond.  This can only lead to uncertainty and lack of belief, especially in a leader.  Finally, and I think very importantly, is to strive to do things in excellence and when you do so, that you celebrate the successes and get over the mistakes more quickly.  Self abuse and self judgement will only leave you unfulfilled and your tank half empty.  Sometimes, no matter how much you want something you cannot change it, at the time and frustrating yourself with the outcome and making yourself the reason for failure, will only lead to further frustration.  Accept things sometimes for what they are, let patience be your guide.  It may surprise you that you will have a clearer mind and your confidence will shine through until the goal is achieved.

Honey have you Stirred!

In my family and surrounds, I am often referred to as a "Sugar Honey Ice Tea" stirrer as I often tend to raise topics or conversation, in a manner that draws people into a debate and results in a conversation or argument in which the tension and sensitivity is relieved.  However, it is my intention to raise debate and in general to lighten the mood or the atmosphere which may be stifled or difficult at the time.  I try to poke fun at myself as well, in a way that others too are not too embarrassed to laugh, but do not have to do so at someone else expense.  Sometimes,  I admit that I go a little far and may leave a frown on my family's faces, but I think that much of what we hear and see in life today  needs to be "humoured down" a little and taken with the proverbial 'pinch of salt'.  The world has borne testimony in the last week of sad reactions to comics and cartoons and the media has been under attack for the way religions and the like are depicted.  But having fun with family, is a far cry from the serious and stupid comments made by one of our politicians in South Africa today, relating to land grabs and property occupations.  How can one accept that these comments are aimed at drawing debate and invoking positive responses in a way that something may be learnt and mistakes not repeated.  People with influence, should really use their opportunities to make points, which although sensitive at times, may bring about further improvement or change.  But making ridiculous and inciteful comments has no place in our country.  We are a nation with a past, but certainly historical events, like World Cup 1995, the Bafana African Cup of Nations win, gold medals at the Olympics and the celebrated life of Madiba, have shown that when this country is determined to change and stands together, then no amount of history, will stand in its path to success.  Many South Africans are in love with this land, from its beauty, weather, resources and especially it's people, so why do we have to tolerate insane ramblings from so-called leaders.  A leader is one who can stand up for a cause and his people, but who in doing so, takes into account the effect on others and humbles himself, to accept and embrace the glory of joint success and fruitfulness.  A leader does not seek to divide and destroy, but rather stands in the gap, for those who do not always have a voice.  Therefore those in leadership have additional responsibility to lead with integrity, trust and servanthood.  I hope that we can build a strong generation of men and woman who have the total success of this nation at heart, so that we can continue our path in this unbelievable place we call home.

Keep Peddling and stop Meddling!

I must ask the question - are People curious by nature or do they have a natural tendency to 'meddle' - it seems to be a pastime to some with seemingly an unlimited number of reasons for getting involved in the affairs of others.  Sometimes the meddling is meant with the best intentions, but is it excusable and can it not be a hurtful exercise.  In my opinion, we make too many presumptions and it amazes me how many people will rather open up a discussion, or comment about others, without truly checking on their facts, or even discussing it first with the proponents before rushing headlong into assumptions and circulating frivolous information or being demanding or difficult for the sake thereof.  It will never serve you well to try to involve yourself into others' affairs.  Rather, it is advisable to listen and ask questions, which may lead to a mutually beneficial result as opposed to hurt and anger.  We are called to be respectful of others, but how do we achieve this when all inside our nature is burning to share the dope on the failings and misdemeanours of others.  Well it can be with relative ease by following these conscious steps:- listen and ask, clarify and confirm, respect the rules and offer advice instead of resisting authority and exercise self control and be supportive, discuss the concern you have, or the position you hold on a subject, before you venture to spread a rumour or act impulsively.  Rumours and idle "skinner" are never uplifting and can only break down relationships or weaken bonds.  Insisting on being involved, when really your place is to support, will only result in a breakdown of communication and mutual respect.  Try to be humble in all you do and don't try to break down a reputation before you are sure of the facts, as it leads to character assassinations, when we all currently in this day and age, need a dose of positivity.  Work, life, economics, violence and corruption are enough daily, without a P.P.P. (Particularly Prying Person).  There is enough to talk about and to enjoy about our neighbours and always time to exercise a hold over our tongues and lean in a committed manner towards upliftment and appreciation.

Hi Ho Hi Ho it's off to Work we Go!

There is an appointed time for everything.  And there is a time for every event under heaven.  So draws an end to a good holiday of rest and reflection.  It is fascinating to listen to the comments of people when it comes to their return to work after a holiday.  Views and opinions are diverse.  Obviously I am very aware of the rich blessing of being able to go away and to get away from ones daily 'drag' and go to a different place - not everyone has such a luxury and this could also account for people returning to work with mixed feelings of whether they have rested enough or at all.  But notwithstanding, December is usually a time of slow down and at least for many, some time away, or off work to recharge the batteries and prepare for another year.  I hope that like me, you have managed to spend time in the company of family, friends and good people who were open to share their thoughts and ideas with you.  Perhaps it was a time to make a decision that you have been considering for a while and that something may have triggered the desire and determination to complete it, or begin the process of making it happen.  I am not a believer in new years resolutions, but I do like listening to others share what they hope to accomplish in the year ahead.  I feel that there are compelling reasons to set goals and lay dreams before you, but the start of a year need not be the only trigger for this.  At any given time, we can begin a process of committing to a new venture, or set a goal.  It may be small in the eyes of some, but no goal achieved is without merit, because most of the strain lies in the setting of the goal and the work that goes into finally achieving it.  A ballet dancer must hone her skills for many years with discipline, before she is ready to have the ability to take on a role such as that of Juliet or Giselle.  But it all begins with a desire to accomplish something and then the support of those that lie along the path to guide and teach.  As adults, we are all teachers in a way and each of us has a time or season, where we need to put aside our own desires and wants and set others up and lead them in a manner that is befitting of the call on our lives.  My prayer is thus, that each person entering into the working year tomorrow (some have already been at it for a week) will do so with all the passion and enthusiasm that they are able to muster and the ability they have been given.  Our country needs a strong start to the year and each person that begins his or her year with a positive attitude, will assist in making a difference to the bottom line at the end of 2015.  Be bold and courageous from day one and do not relent in the fight for goodness, faithfulness and positivity.  Support each other and let us as adults grow the nation's youth to a time and place when we can be a country that delivers and not one that stumbles forward and limps into another unsatisfactory season.

Sorry Sorry Sorry!

I'm sorry!  These are words we use often in relationships and yet we many times do not really consider the impact of them.  I for one am a person who has been guilty in the past of saying these 2 words all too easily and yet not thinking about the consequence of the words used before them to illicit such a retort.  Before repeating them hold your tongue.  Sorry is a word that has many meanings such as expressing or feeling regret, compunction, sympathy or pity.  It can also mean 'poor' such as when we say that "guy looks a sorry sight".  The context is thus important and so is the situation.  I think we have become very easy to use the word and we jump to say sorry, as a means of getting past an errant comment we have made and the word has become designed to quickly alleviate a problem situation.  Religion has also taught that we should forgive easily and often.  But being truly sorry carries a lot more weight and implies that we will try everything to avoid repeating the mistake, or comment, or action that caused the reason for us to have to utter the words in the first place.  It takes a lot of conviction to be truly sorry and the word should be used far more cautiously than we have become accustomed to using it.  I have found that I need to wait and hold my tongue and be very sure when I say these words.  They seem to impact me more when I consider whether I really am sorry and why I made a comment, or said something initially.  A good friend said to me, that you only say sorry if you have every intention never to repeat the utterance you made before the words again.  But this does not mean that we should become embittered and refuse to apologise when we have wronged someone or broken a bridge.  It just means that in some instances, we can make a comment if it is thought through correctly and with the right attitude and be able to criticise constructively, in the hope that we illicit a suitable response and the person learns from the experience without jumping to say "I'M Sorry" and later feeling that they should not have said so.  We should thus not be quick also to withdraw a comment simply because it may offend, or deliver a strong message.  Being sorry about something said or done, implies that we have taken the time to consider what it is we said and how it has affected the person at whom we directed the utterance and then deciding that after consideration we need to withdraw the view and not repeat it again.  If we know the person, we will be able to see their reaction or the wince of a comment's effect.  The expression of sorrow is one associated with pity and sympathy and usually gets used when there has been pain or loss.  Try to rather absorb more comments, dwell on it for a bit and then express your reply in the form of a retort, which is well directed or a rebuttal, which has been carefully considered or express true sorrow for the comment in the first place, if you can see that it has hurt or annoyed the person and then do not repeat the mistake.  Remember always that words and the tongue have the power of life and death, so making utterances which hurt and destroy will only serve to "heap coals on your own head".  Be thankful for genuine criticism and if need be, build a bridge to repair any damage, but when next you feel like saying sorry check, dwell on it and then be sincere in your response.

Don't Worry be Happy!

Do not be anxious about tomorrow for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. How often do we worry about what the following day will hold and how we plan for the next holiday, the next meeting, the next match and yet surely all the pondering will not influence the result.  Indeed tomorrow has so many permutations and concerns that it will surely be filed with anxiousness.  Our task is to ensure that what we do today matters, or at least has the potential to make a difference somewhere in our sphere of influence.  Some have truly important tasks in life like surgeons and presidents, others to be the best mom or friend in a situation, for some it is the call to be teachers and mentors and business men of stature and influence.  To each I suppose is given their own worries and concerns for such is the nature of life.  But without trying to get too philosophical, it remains then that knowing that tomorrow's anxiousness will be taken care of by tomorrow itself, surely we owe it to ourselves to live outwardly and boldly and be men and woman of character.  We can replace the anxiousness with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self control.  We can afford to take a step into something with confidence and not feel afraid of mistakes and their consequences.  We need to try above all to make the day count and enjoy doing what we have been tasked to do.  It may not be that glamorous and it may only be for a season or time in your life, but while you are doing it, focus on doing it to the best of your ability.  Whether you are on pension or in the heat of a boardroom, the outcome should be the same, to reach the end of the day satisfied that you have endeavoured and toiled not in vain, but in happiness and peace.

You have got to know how to pick it!

My grandfather used to say " there is no substitute for hard work" and "you wont plant pumpkins and pick potatoes".  But should the mantra not rather be, to say that there is no substitute for smart work.  I have friends who work considerably less than the norm and yet make an outstanding living because when they work they do so, with such drive and confidence that they seldom seem to fail.  I think hard work in a profession or job is obviously to be applauded and life should give those people the reward for the effort, but unfortunately life is of such nature that smart people, who are able to get hard work out of others, may well have the upper hand.  The difference comes I believe in the second saying and that is reflective in life, in that dedicated work leads to a result which is often beyond what we initially expected.  Planting and picking are 2 action words and imply that once a task is identified and sought, it is the effort of planting, which leads to the effort of picking and reaping.  And the one simply does not exist without the other.  Some people plant more time into a situation, others with more acumen, seem to put less into the process and yet still achieve results. But the true fact is that both, are still planting (taking action).  You may be blessed with the ability to strike through the heart of a problem and with ease, deliver a result from a particular challenge.  Other times it seems to take longer in a quest, but if your are still willing to put in the effort of the planting, then you too should succeed.  It may take you longer to prepare the soil and have all the nutrients ready to develop the ground, before the picking, but no effort will definitely result in you standing over barren soil watering it, but you will have never planted anything.  The only thing that will grow will be the weeds and bitterness as the root of ill repute.  Therefore the best way I would say is to combine the saying and get something like this, "there will be no potatoes if you fail to plant potatoes", planting without purpose will be like "watering the ground until it is fertile, but never reaping anything from it".  Work hard if it is your nature to do so, work with purpose and know what the difference is between pumpkins and potatoes.  If you are striving for the perfect potatoes, check the ingredients of labour, dedication, make sure the package says potatoes, get stuck into nurturing and watering the seeds and when they are ready, be there still with effort to pick the fruits of your labour by being watchful, present, deliberate and have a humble place of storage ready for the rewards you will achieve.

Just Do It!

"Action speaks louder than words, it is said".  I think that this is largely true and many people, including myself, have lost the ability to do something about a problem, or a concern.  I prefer to surround myself with people that are driven by action, because it assists me in situations, where I would rather back away, or settle for something, like lesser service, or people taking advantage, to keep the peace.  In fact it is often those very situations, that steal our peace and leave us with resentment, bitterness and ill feeling.  We end up holding on to this and it seems to rear its head over and over, becoming like a habit.  There are others that confront negative situations and very easily deal with a problem, instead of leaving it to fester, like an irritating sore.  Sometimes, we are good at certain situations and making sure that our actions are telling and yet in other situations we need support and guidance from others, to set the example or tone in achieving a result. What I can venture to say, is that trying to act is far better than waiting until the very end and then be left with a reaction.  There are certain realities with non-action, which are guaranteed.  You will firstly not achieve the goal, as it will not just come to you, secondly you will feel, if it is a real desire, that you are left feeling in-complete until you have made the first step to challenge the goal or dream, thirdly the repercussions of non- action are guilt, resentment, bitterness and disquiet (certainly not qualities you want to walk around with). Finally, eventually non-action will lead to non-fulfillment, or even failure, because others will be more driven and more focused on the result and will get there, while you are still considering the consequences of taking that first step.  So show fortitude, no matter if the result initially does not go your way.  Be persistent seekers of the result you desire and mostly never wait for other to deliver the result for you, because mostly they will either fail you, or see the picture you were wanting and take it for themselves.  If you have people that stand up for you, grab hold of them and go shoulder to shoulder with them, for as long as it takes to achieve your dream and I have no doubt, that you will find that your action will result in encouraging others with the same fears, to tackle something they really want to achieve.  Enjoy the ripple of actions.

Salute' my Friends!

As I took my final stroll down the beach this afternoon, before heading back home, I was grateful for this time spent away from the hustle and bustle of daily life and yet I must be honest that I am ready to get back to the year and get going with the plans and goals I have set for the year.  It is remarkable that one knows exactly when the time has come to get back to the "real world" and it is a good feeling to head into a year with promise and a solid platform for an excellent year.  All I wanted to reflect on in this piece, was the privilege of the relationships and interactions I had with people over this holiday - somehow it was remarkable, that we were able to meet with, and spend quality time with many of the people that are meaningful in our lives.  We were able to listen to their experiences and see first hand how they are coping with life, work, raising kids and what their plans are for the year.  The views and perspectives were diverse and it is so heartening to see that people are trying many ways to tackle this thing called life and most seemed motivated for the year ahead notwithstanding that there may be challenges and unknowns and decisions to be made.  The people I spent time with, were largely positive and dedicated to their responsibilities and they smile and laugh even though they are fully aware that there are challenges around the corner.  They are lively and taking advantage of the incredible weather we have in this country and they are modern adults, carving out memories and experiences, that will allow them to leave a legacy after they are gone.   Having enjoyed my birthday yesterday, I was again amazed at the respect and genuineness of people and how they do care for others in a sincere manner.  How awesome it is to have lasting and meaningful friendships and to have the opportunity to spend a little corner of my time with them in their lives.  Never discount the moments and make sure that you show your appreciation to them whenever you get the chance. We are not entitled to have friends but we are blessed when we do.  

Give him another Chance!

I have always thought that I can consider myself a hard working person and that I am not lazy when it comes to putting effort in at work and home.  However, in speaking to friends on holiday who have emigrated I have realised that we have have become rather insulated in our country with the system we had in the past and that compared to other countries we may (not all) have become complacent and driven in the wrong areas.  It is a fact that we had a brain drain several years ago, but as a nation we are still very focused on what profession we want our children to become and we think very much in terms of professions as opposed to work and jobs.  In other countries I have discovered for example that you can make a very good living as a bus driver, or a teacher or a lawyer and all integrate together.  There is a lot more scope to succeed and I think sometimes that this lessens the pressure on our future generation and gives momentum to industry and unity in a country.  If one looks at the latest matric results and once again how poorly many kids have performed, then I think government is missing a trick in its education policies and more emphasis should be placed on running trade and artisan schools simultaneously with the main stream curriculum, so that children that are identified for practical working positions are not "kept in school" only to fail and then after school to struggle to find jobs.  For example, in my industry I have felt for many years that there are far too many legal graduates and definately not enough work or jobs, but still the system is churning out kids who want to be a lawyer.  But in other places, law is broken into many more facets, like processing courses for legal documents, paralegal positions, managerial positions and even assistants who make very good livings, without  a degree.  Our country I believe more than anything needs employment and positions to be created willingly by companies and where the employee does not necessarily have an expectation of being the MD or CEO (especially not within the first few years of work), but rather have realistic goals. This need not affect the entrepreneurial spirit in this country.  We seem to have a generation now that wants to have BCom, LLB, Bsc and BEng degrees only, but there is a massive group of people who could and should be the artisans doing the daily work.  I found it fascinating to hear of the story of a real estate agent overseas who is now an apprentice electrician in his forties and yet in both jobs, he sustains a family with ease.  Firstly, that would never happen in this country and secondly the confidence of the man strikes me as impressive.  The community also completely accept him and support him and there is no judgement for what you have on a "piece of paper". I think we need to stop trying to force people through a schooling system only for them to drop away completely because there are no jobs.  I for one will begin to look a lot more respectfully on appointments I make and encourage others to have the confidence to step out and pursue their passions without feeling like they cant "make it".   This country needs way more workers and people committed to a job, instead of letting the past rule and determine the entitlement that presently exists.  Imagine a SA with everyone employed and focused on success of the country and not just themselves.  It is a simple concept really, it just takes an attitude of service and respect and it is way more achievable than we think as first world countries achieve it every day.

OK you have a Turn!

Here is a posing question - why is it that often we say that people begin to look and act like their animals and that their personalities become similar over time?  What about how a person can change you over time or have such an affect on your personality that it can change the way you think and act.  I guess that it has a lot to do with becoming accustomed to someone and the longer you are together and the more time you spend together, the more we take on habits, speech, sayings and a variety of expressions and mannerisms.  I find it fascinating when spending time with friends and family, to see how a spouse or partner can have an affect, over time, on the other, especially when stories are being related.  Sometimes listening to the "arguing" is almost more interesting than the story itself and who gets to say the "punch line" is very interesting as time wears on.  But obviously when we go into a marriage, or relationship, or partnership how are we to be sure that the person will be right for us and are there things that we can do, to ensure that the relationship remains sound even as time wears on, in a relationship.  I think that firstly the same belief system is essential, such as being a christian, as many of the same values will supplement each other.  It is about being equally yoked and I am a believer that this makes a major difference in how we start and end a relationship.  In hindsight I made mistakes in the past, because I did not check if the person was of the same belief, but in business certainly this is more challenging.  But if possible, try to establish this early and stick to it, because it is a sound principle and will not let you down.  Secondly, it will certainly help if the person you are in relationship with is willing to compromise and able to listen to your opinion, will give you an opportunity to put your side of the story and still at the end be willing to do it your way or theirs depending on which outcome produces the best result.  This involves being less prideful and more humble and showing qualities like patience, self control and gentleness.  These are difficult attributes, but once learnt they too will make your relationship far easier, the longer you are in it.  Thirdly I think it is good to have differences that compliment each other.  It is good to have a combination of personalities, so that where one is stronger the other can afford to concentrate on another element of the relationship.  I am by no means an expert on the topic, but allow yourself to fail once in a while and also stand up for yourself in your relationship, where you believe that your opinion or direction is the correct one.  It may test the relationship, but it certainly strengthens the ties.  Lastly, I think it best to go into a relationship with the sincere belief that it will succeed.  A positive attitude must make a difference because the more you believe in the other person and the fact that the relationship can work, the more this will rub off on one another and eventually you will begin to live the consolidated dream, through each other. So in summary, sometimes when telling a story to friends or in a business meeting, let the other person have a go at presenting your views and sit back and support with a nod rather than an interjection (just an aside - don't sit there and wait for each other to talk, because eventually the opportunity will pass away and you be left with a "bek vol tande").  You may even experience as I have, that sometimes the person you are with will surprise you and speak out the very utterances that you yourself would be proud to speak.

Finishing Strong

In speaking to a number of retired or older people this holiday I have been fascinated with the concept of hobbies or pastimes and have tried to get a sense of its worth in relationships and life as one gets older. The options are obviously determined to a large extent by the circumstances at the time and particularly things like resources, physical abilities, retirement plans etc but in essence it struck me that the options and opportunities are really quite diverse.  Like so many other things in life having a hobby requires a commitment of your time and energy and the difference seems to be the choice to pursue it, rather than obligation, which is why many people really only commit to it once they retire.  However I have a belief that it may be better to have a few things lined up and to start working on them even before you consider retirement so that the shock of a work environment not being there is easily replaced with a passion that already exists somewhere in ones life.  I Have come across people who have taken up fishing in a big way and for whom getting up and wandering along an empty beach to cast in a line from the shore has become a soul satisfying endeavour. For others walking the trails and coastline, gives them both the exercise they need as well as the ability to be with nature.  Still others play golf and bowls two very popular pastimes among people at the coast.   Things like photography, community and charity work, offerings of time to a church to assist with various projects, writing, helping with kids and grand kids, I came across them all and it made me realise just what a privilege it is to have a full life, so that one is able to have a legacy to leave when the time comes to move into eternity.  Like so many other things in life, a healthy attitude (and maybe a solid bank account and healthy lifestyle) is the quintessential to making the last chapter of ones life valuable and meaningful.  I may be only half way in my working career but I can see real value in trying to set small goals every year towards the time when your time is suddenly multiplied by job retirement, children moving away to start their own lives and possibilities of being alone through loss of a spouse.  My grandfather who recently passed away had more than 20 years of retirement and yet he did not seem to be bored in his later years, despite being on his own and I think that is a very good testimony of a life completed well.  Not every hobby needs to be glamorous or cost a fortune, but I pray that I will have the purpose and drive to still gain fulfilment in my life after my  career ends.  It is healthy to talk about these things even from a young age and amazing to see the opportunities which are out there to aspire to and pursue in latter life.

How many Pairs of Shoes do you Own?

And so to the last of my messages on things not to be compromised on.  The topic today is (wait for it ladies) - well shoes!  I have always believed that good shoes make a difference and anyone who has had to endure a pair of shoes that hurts you all the time, would know what I am talking about.  Life is very much like shoes and the varieties and styles and shapes are a fascinating phenomenon.  You only need to go to a shopping mall to see the ranges and brands being made today and shoes are found in almost every store, from departmental stores, to sports stores, to hiking and camping stores and then specialist shoe stores as well.  It is sometimes impossible to go into a shopping mall and find the right one because the diversity and options are so many.  You can buy a pair in one store and then walk around the corner and find an even nicer pair, so one just has to have a method and follow a few basic steps (excuse the pun) and hopefully you will get what you are looking for.  Life and particularly relationships, follow a very similar pattern.  You need to have many experiences in life to realise exactly what it is, that you are destined for.  Unfortunately, we have all had a bad pair of shoes that look good from the outset, but never get worn in well and hurt you from the beginning.  This is part of life and sometimes we have experiences like that, which can be painful when something presents itself as good and the intention is good, but it never works out the way we envisaged.  Sometimes we also like a brand of shoe which appeals to us and yet every time we buy the brand we find that it wears out quickly or breaks.  Yet we keep buying the shoe in the hope that one pair will be the right one.  In life we sometimes repeat mistakes and tend to go around the same problem or "mountain" hoping for a different result, but only repeating the error.  It is best to break away from these situations and find a new brand, because the reality is that there are other opportunities on the horizon - you just need to have the right attitude and start looking.  I have found that in life we come across different people who can be signified through shoes.  You get loafers (well enough said!), and slops (untidy disorganised people) and stilettos (people with high attitudes and opinions of themselves), boots (those that hide away exposing themselves for fear and insecurity), 'takkies' (those who run around and are always busy), mountain boots (people who are just made to climb up the biggest obstacles and make it look easy) and 'plakkies' (ordinary good people that focus not so much on the shoe although it must match, as long as it fits comfortably), brogues (classy, well constructed people who are presentable and professional) and finally heels (gorgeous woman with legs to die for ... oh dear no that is a different topic).  On a serious note life's challenges come in leather (tough) and suede (smooth) and plastic (flexible) and even wooden clogs (hard and uncomfortable) but how do we make sure that we succeed in getting the ideal pair.  Well in my opinion there are a couple of defining things to achieve the perfect result.  When you buy the shoe you need someone that assists you and gets the shoe for you and sells the appearance, size, etc like a good teacher, guidance master or mentor).  Once you have committed to the shoe, you need the correct opportunities to wear the shoe so make sure that you create occasions and memories where you can expose the shoe.  Further, always be mindful of the cost, so keep the "slip" when you buy the shoe.  Finally, lets face it, no one really like to go shoe shopping on their own, so make sure you surround yourself with friends, a team, or supporters who will always be your crowd and will notice your new shoes.

Add a Cupful of Ethics to the Recipe this Year

Last year I learnt so much about ethics in business and how important it is to me as a person.  I think in some ways it surprised me how fixed I am in my ways when it comes to integrity, hard work and being entirely responsible for the money that is entrusted to me and which belongs to my clients.  So many of my colleagues over the years have succumbed to the temptation of using client funds for a short time and then returning it before anyone can notice and as a result they have either being struck from the role or fined, but ultimately their integrity is compromised and their reputation tarnished forever.  I am concerned about integrity and business ethics in this country at present and I believe that it is a very real challenge which must be met in order for this country to grow in a healthy manner. Unfortunately it starts at the top and certainly our own president has been an extremely poor example over the last few years.  This has seemingly filtered its way right down through various industries and I think it is going to take some real committed effort to right the wrongs we have in business.  I found sometimes questioning why I stay so rigid in my approach to ethics and to be honest there were times when I felt that others seem to be doing a lot better then me, even though they sailed very close to the wind in term of rules and ethics.  Having restructured my company and being completely comfortable in trusting my business partner now, I was able to think a lot more clearly about the importance of this topic and why it lies close to my heart.  I started my legal career at a firm that had complete ethics in business and the teaching and mentoring I got when I started made it very easy to remain honest in all my dealings with people and if I can do something in this year, as part of social investment it would be encourage and talk to business people about how to maintain their integrity despite all around them doing things which are not strictly correct.  It will take a generation, but we must try in every business dealing to start by following the mantle of "do unto others as you would want them to do to you".  In other words would you take someones money and use it for yourself -  what if the shoe was on the other foot?  If you had creditors to pay would you leave them until they are forced to threaten you with legal action - imagine if clients did that to you and failed to pay your legal fees for months. What about if you buy your work and then serve on ethics committees or boards, to cover your tracks.  These are deeply controversial, matters and I have been told in the past that I should just do it as everyone else is doing it.  This is the root cause of the lack of integrity in our business affairs of this country as we have become complacent and I truly hope that this year will somehow be a spark to change that and to ensure that we start respecting each other (as business is hard as is) and I hope that the big corporates will begin to truly realise and recognise the smaller entities who are trying to make a difference in their business relations and start to use such institutions for the better of all business in this country.  Imagine if we all kept a clean slate this year and treated money and business dealings with respect for 1 year. What a difference it would surely make and how much would we not progress in this country towards a moral and healthy society.  I call upon other business owners to follow suit, mentor and encourage each other and to be uncompromising in their ethics in 2015 and to share the experience with each other through the year.  Celebrate ethics and good form and I have no doubt that we will  be better off in the short and long run.