Moving Forward!

I am not one to give up but in this context, what are some of the things, that we need to give up, to be able to move forward.  I will deal with them in 2 days and the list as usual comprises 10 things (why is it always 10!).  First thing on the list to give up, is letting the opinions of others control your life.  We need to manage what we think about ourselves and try to do what is ultimately best for ourselves and our lives, not that which we think is best for someone else, or what others think they expect of us.  In the words of Chris Rea, "you can waste a whole lifetime trying to be what you think is expected of you, but you will never be free".  Other people's opinions of you, do not really count in the bigger scheme of things and since people are fickle and change their minds, putting too much reliance on others to make us the people we want to be, is a waste of time.  If they want to be in your life, they will make it important to them, in every area.  Secondly, we need to get rid of the shame of past failures because our past does not equal our future.  What has happened in the past cannot change what you are doing at this moment and so living in this current moment is all we have, so we should really put more attention into that, than what we may have done in the past.  We need to be brave enough to live now and get on and do it.  Thirdly, getting rid of indecision, is a key element.  The reason for this is that we will never be able to leave where we are, until we decide where we would rather be.  This is so true, but also quite difficult at times, because we may think that this new direction will be rosy, but we are just not sure if we are fully sure, that it will be better than what we have at the moment, so we use terms like "rather the devil we know than the devil we don't" and "will the grass really be greener on the other side".  But if we decide to follow a decision, then we need to do so passionately, because this will be the motivation and the confirmation that we are in the right place.  We all know that when we experience something with passion and commitment, how good it is and even though we accept our normal, it is never the same as that which we experience with passion and a real sense of purpose.  We also need to stop procrastinating over the goals that matter to us.  Call me pragmatic but everything is about a choice and we have in simplistic terms 2 choices (actually let me say that we have another 2 choices, being the primary choice of life or death, when it comes to believing - an eternal choice in other words). But for the sake of this blog the choices are to accept conditions as they are, or accept the responsibility for changing them.  It does not take much to get started on the choice, but talking about it will not get the job done.  It will ultimately take an action to change the decision from a thought or word, to a real experience.  

Hats off to the Disabled

Today marked the tenth anniversary of the South African Disabled Golf Open sponsored by Nedbank and I had the privilege to participate in the corporate event after the tournament itself.  It was a memorable day and I was truly intrigued and impressed by the quality of the golf, but more importantly the manner in which the players treated each other at the event.  I played with one of the young rising stars and the way he is treated by his fellow players and their families was remarkable.  We can learn so much from the manner in which basic qualities of respect and acceptance are displayed and it led me to truly ponder how we treat people and how often we waste valuable hours on petty misunderstandings and grudges over things, when in the bigger picture we are so blessed to have all our faculties and are able to mange the basic things in life with no problems and yet these men and woman, for whom the very basic things are a challenge, let alone playing golf and this becomes a reality check to be more accepting of the faults of others, more inclined to resolve issues faster and to enjoy every minute we have with those we care about, because we do not know what awaits us in the future.  Holding on to people who are dear to us is very important and not to let the "little foxes" bother us is an invaluable lesson.  The other thing I learnt was that spending time to interact with others in whatever way we can, makes this country a special place to live in, that through sport like running, or cycling, or golf people unite and talk about their lives and business and yet it seems to be mostly in a positive manner because it is doing something that they enjoy.  The conversations are more positive on the whole and good interaction is visible, not the usual race, political or socio-economic rubbish that we get from news and television.  South Africans can be uplifting and resilient and  compatible and we forget what a marvellous place we live in with lifestyle, weather and genuinely good people.  A true life lesson and a golf lesson too from a young man with physical difficulties certainly cleaned my senses to go in to work today with an attitude of appreciation for what I have and the motivation to make something of the opportunities that I have.

Ek hoor jou!!

How often do we hear words pouring from the mouths of people, we hear stories and opinions and we hear them venting and expressing how they feel and what they want and what they are missing. Some are desperate for conversation, some have something to get off their chest and others are perpetual whiners.  But are we actually hearing them?  We tend to build up a resistence to words which are used continuously and patterns in what people say, especially those that are closest to us.  We waste so much time trying to explain to others who we know at the end of the day will just do their own thing and will probably still misunderstand us, notwithstanding what we say or suggest.  It takes a rare talent in someone who hears even the silences and the quiet moments and yet is still able to figure out, what it is that you are trying to say.  How often do you hear the words like "are you even listening to me" or "why do I even bother speaking, when you are not listening".  We need to be more attentive to hearing what others are trying to say and not simply listening for the sake of doing so.  It means though, being able also to realize when people are talking for the sake of conversation and  when they are truly searching and reaching  out and once they hit the correct chords, we can make an invaluable contribution to their lives by hearing the words and helping them to implement those feelings or actions they desperately want to achieve, but they need the push to do something about it.  Only a person that hears what it is all about will be able to reply in the way that either helps to give them confidence to go on, or convinces them not to go further.  It is a question of linking trust to listening and cutting through all the words and sentences and focusing in on the crux of conversations.  You make get a reputation of being impatient or a little too focused on facts, but it is remarkable how we ultimately look to the people that say very little to begin with and who rather hear us, resist judgement and respond with a few well placed and meaningful words, to be the ones that we want along side us through our journey in life. 

Don't just stand there... come in!

I came across the following saying and at first thought that it may be somewhat harsh, but on further reflection, it is worthy to note and consider and has some relevance to the world we live in today.  It states, "If you want to be part of my life, then the door will always be open.  If you want to leave my life, again the door will always be open, but don't stand in the doorway, because you are blocking the traffic".  The essence of relationships is to ensure, that we invite those that are closest to us into our "space" and that we are willing to be open to give and to receive.  This is difficult, when I look at the youth of today and how they struggle with closeness and spending quality time with one another, due to social media influences, the pace of life and the demands of work and societal expectations.  This means that many times they are hesitant to open up fully for fear of the repercussions when it comes to comments, on social media and via the Internet.  Even in business the integrity is often missing and thus people put up walls and screens so that one cannot really see what they are going through.  You have to be careful to expose yourself too much, because this can be used against you, or even result in presumptions and stigmas, which are not easy to refute.  It therefore takes courage to leave the door open, but there is certainly nothing better than to have the ability at times to know that there is a place or a person that you can fully trust and who will not judge you at the first sign of difficulty.  On the other side of the coin those that are not interested in being in our lives quickly show their true colours and one learns with experience (that is a nice way of saying when you get older) that it is not worth wasting good and precious time on circumstances that will not change and which can only cause frustration, pain or difficulty.  The faster these things are let go from your life, the better and holding on to grudges, harbouring ill feelings and making yourself sick with anger or bitterness, only ends up making you feel bad, whereas the cause, is often oblivious to the affect on your life.  However, many people get caught in the doorway, where they are neither fully committed to the relationship or they have doubts and they end up being too "soft" or "sympathetic" or "respectful" to say something, so the air is filled with tension or the atmosphere is uncertain.  We cannot decide if we should say something for fear of hurting them and they end up hanging around with neither party gaining any substance from the relationship.  This is where having a person or two that Speaks their mind and breaks the uncomfortable moment is invaluable and refreshing and they are certainly to be cherished and admired for the ability to cut through the silences and help you to clear the doorway of baggage and assist you to make the right choices that ensure that the doorway remains open, so that through it we can fulfil our goals and dreams.

I choose to .... today!

If you want to be happy you have to be happy on purpose.  It takes real intent to be happy, when so many things around you, simply indicate otherwise. You may be struggling to come to terms with work circumstances, with relationships, or with financial concerns.  These factors may be weighing heavily on you and you may be anxious, despite the fact that you portray to others and yourself, that you are fine.  Yet you still need to show intent in the moment you become conscious to take up the banner of happiness and let it reside in your heart.   When you wake up you cant just wait to see what kind of day you'll have.  You have to decide what kind of day you will have.  Making this choice can be difficult for a whole lot of reasons, things like hurt and pain and unforgiveness and misunderstanding, can all stand in the way of your potential happiness and the quicker we enter into a new day with the intention to make today count for something, the sooner the day will become less about trying to make it better and more about experiencing it as better.  There is a conscious decision to be positive and to live in freedom each day notwithstanding all the woes and frustrations that surround us.  Take into today what makes you happy, don't stop trying to reach the dreams that make you happy even if others may think that this does not suit your life or that your responsibilities preclude you from a future such as many could only dream of.  Taking hold of a positive choice and committing to it in this phase of your life can surely only bring enormous joy, a fresh start or even a time of real productivity, passion and success.  It is easy to hang around in the place that you are comfortable but deep down there is nagging in you that this is not all that you want to achieve.  Therefore you need to be purposeful in what we want to get out of today and not forgetting your responsibilities and commitments, you can still take hold of the future that you imagine and which will be there if you decide to grasp it with both hands.

Knock Knock ..Opportunity is here.

Opportunity it may be said, sometimes knocks loudly and in clear view and other times, it comes like a thief in the night; yet it comes and goes over a lifespan and anyone working in business will know, as in life, that there are times of more and sometimes times of less opportunities than we can possibly imagine.  We all know that circumstances and situations are often beyond our control and yet we do have an influence on opportunities and this can result in whether we are able to take them firstly and secondly, if we are actually able to make something of them.  In our lives we will not be short of opportunity, but we often fall short of realising, which ones to take and which ones are best left unexplored.  We could ask ourselves certain posing questions before we decide to take the chance, such as where did it come from, who did it come from, is it something that will make our lives easier, or better, or more worthwhile; does the opportunity result in a positive experience for us and how are others impacted, if we take the opportunity for ourselves.  Do we rather allow someone else the opportunity, or is it destined for ourselves and in order to make us happier, or more successful.  Sometimes we have to understand that we need to leave the opportunity, because by pursuing it, we will have to let go of another opportunity.  This is difficult, when both look like the right thing and yet through proper analysis, sound advice from those we trust and a whole lot of luck, we may actually get the right decision and make the most of the opportunity that has an even greater influence in our lives.  Never be afraid to take the opportunity when it does come and don't think that you are not worthy of receiving it, when it comes.  Many times people know that the opportunity will make a definite positive influence on their lives, but they think with poor self belief, that what if they are not right and they look at all the possible problems before they decide and having pondered the situation for so long, the chance is gone forever.  It is not too often that an opportunity presents itself on more than one occasion and hesitation can be very costly.  So don't give up on opportunity, do not rest until you have it, be brave enough to capture it and be resilient enough to see it through.

Are you to be the Judge?

We need to be careful before we judge others, because we are all a little $#¥€ up ourselves.  We all have things in our lives that affect us and hurt us and prevent us from fulfilling our full potential and daily life and its circumstances have a profound effect on us.  We are influenced by family, friends, clients and our surroundings, all of which can at a time influence the way we act and feel.  We need to try to be accommodating of others, even if we think that they have either a lesser intelligence, or fewer means, or less experience.  Basic manners and the ability to treat all people with respect, is a very necessary and desired quality especially in our country.  It amazes me how often we think we are doing just fine and we can really offer advice and example to others, only to find that circumstances change and we are the ones in need of the help and support.  If we have been arrogant and proud, then chances are that others will not be running to assist and we will be left to our own devices.  Yet if we have tried in humility and with a teachable spirit, to engage with others, then chances are they will be able to associate with us and step in to help when our tough times come.  We do not always truly know what it is, that is happening behind the walls and guards that people have placed around them and they will not easily open up a door, to let you in, unless you are someone that they can see will not betray their trust and who will not show a predisposition to judge them, no matter what the situation is.  Although this is a lot more difficult to execute than to write down on a paper, you may find a few such people that cross your path in life and who are brave enough, to accept you as you are and what you may be going through.  Not everyone can also handle the information that is given to them and they succumb to the weaknesses of "skinner", disapproval and emotional, rather than rational advice.  Do not in turn judge them for this, but try to understand that you can only have  a few confidants in your life and you too can only be something to a few people and not to all that cross your path.  Try to be selective and respectful and you will be the 'reasonable judge' and not the 'judge and executioner'.