Count to Ten

Just spent some time with my daughter at a small cafe in JHB and was struck by the fact that most South Africans are just happy to be out and about and enjoy what an amazing cultural experience our country offers.  I saw so many different people and it reminds me that we waste so much time with criticism, negative thoughts and comments about how bad our country is.  It is time to choose a path of positive comments and love for the country and to reduce the criticism to that which may actually be beneficial and to try and improve the areas, which are clearly wrong.  Things like corruption and poor service delivery and obvious injustices relating to BEE and racism, should never be tolerated, but what about the beauty and lifestyle and warmth of our people and the ability to worship freely and generally make a decent living.  We need to express excessively the positives and surely this will eventually have an impact on what happens around us.  Hurtful things we say and do now could end up being with us in years to come so the ten seconds we take to make critical comments should be reserved for positive and uplifting ideas.

Time waits for Nobody!

It is fascinating how time flies. As you listen to people tell stories of their first memories and the age when they could first recall specific moments in life and how they still remember events which may have happened over 20,30 and 40 years, it becomes amazing how much information and details our brain can hold.  In modern times we like to refer to how many gigabytes of storage a computer has, but what about the human brain - it would certainly be the super computer of the universe with unlimited Gigabytes of storage available. We have so many memories and key events that fill our precious lives and it is truly a privilege to have the mental state and ability to recall and recount memories and events from recent and further past.  We should try to ensure that the memories we have are clear and vivid.  I am learning in time to flush those memories that are hurtful and unnecessary, but certainly not all the bad memories because they too have their value in our lives to remind us of lessons and learning opportunities and "school fees"and WE SHOULD NEVER feel that these situations are not meaningful and sweep them under the carpet.  They form part of a very special group of memories and as long as we educate our mind not to keep dwelling on them and rather to keep them for what they are worth, then we take so much more into our lives and we become more complete people.  Similarly, we owe it to ourselves to take the special times in our lives and place them in a very prominent place, so that we can access them often and let their goodness wash over us and bring about the smile and laughter, which we need to hold onto dearly and forever.  Awesome single,special moments are so uplifting and we need to remember to share them with others even if they seem trivial, because they may result in another special moment for someone else.  Be liberal in recalling good times and use hard times as a stepping stone to the next good time on your immediate horizon.

Opportunity = Risk

There are times in our lives when we have opportunities staring us in the face and we are being bombarded by circumstances, decisions, and the like and yet we see this "thing" in front of us and we grab it and the results are excellent.  We are not even expecting the result to be good, or possible and yet all of a sudden we are in the right place and time and things are working to a plan and all seems to be exactly, as it is supposed to be.  These may be rare times in our lives but it is essential to take them when they present themselves, because they can change the course of our lives significantly and that is why I believe that taking such a risk, or having the courage to step out of our comfort zone, can sometimes bring the most spectacular results.  I am not advocating all out risk, without consequence and taking every chance that presents itself, but I think that there are times, when a moment comes along and we can feel that it is right that we should throw away some caution and fear and live the situation and moment.  Sometimes those times end up being the start of something special, or the beginning of a great journey or a new beginning and the course of our lives is altered by this one chance being taken.  We may even be happy at the time and secure and think that everything is going well, so why change a wining formula, but always be aware that there might be an even better prospect ahead and because we are comfortable, in our current place, we cannot imagine that things could be better.  Be watchful and embrace chances like this and the change that comes from decisions to take a risk.  Life is a very risky business, but when the rewards come from an unexpected decision, the rewards are "oh so worth it".

Be a Constructive (not Destructive) Critic!

A wise person takes and gets criticism in humility and tries to learn from it.  If you chose to ignore valuable criticism you will end up poorer for it, whereas taking criticism and dealing with and learning from it, will result in personal growth and honour from your community. Of course not all criticism is helpful and often it is as a result of jealously, or bears fruit out of trying to hurt someone and make them feel less worthy.  Such harsh criticism can break down a person and affect their self worth.  It is sometimes easy to be over critical when we look around at things in the world and especially in SA there is much to be critical of, but we should always discern between that which is helpful and characterised by love and that which is biting and devouring of nature.  There seems very little point in destroying each others worth, but yet even close friends without thinking, end up saying unnecessary things and things which are not borne from fact, but rather from speculative comments and false concerns.  Always ensure that when you raise criticism of a person, that you do so armed with facts and ready to support and encourage.  Stay far from wild assumptions and vague conversations, which can only end with the truth being twisted and relationships put in jeopardy.  Be sure to take care of your own problems before you criticise others and remember to use criticism for upliftment and in love and not for insults.

Stop, collaborate and Listen!

So how important is planning every detail of our lives.  I have always considered myself a 'planning person', who tries to consider every action, permeation, emotion and who tends to worry about all the small details in life, like how it will affect others, what the consequences could be and  what the perfect timing might be to say, or do something.  I worry a lot  about deadlines and future requirements and very seldom allow myself to be caught, without having considered, at least half a dozen results.  But surely I have realised that there needs to be a balance between being prepared and spending so much time in the planning phase that you miss out on the things that you can achieve right now.  I have often not allowed myself the opportunity to embrace what lies in my day today, because I am worried about what will happen tomorrow.  It is not morbid but rather realistic to think that, what if tomorrow never comes?  Will I have spent so much time planning for a day, which never comes.  It is certainly wise especially in business to budget and prepare goals at  the beginning of a new year, but we can become so drawn to the act of planning, that we miss the enjoyment of meeting the day expectantly, but without knowing or thinking we know what it will hold.  Being so well prepared, does not guarantee success, or the result exactly as we had hoped, so surely it is a more acceptable way to wake up, give thanks that you have made it to today and then begin minute by minute to enjoy whatever lies in your path for the day, whether it be traffic, or difficult people, or unexpected tasks, or even unexpected success and enjoyment.  I am not advocating being careless and without thought, but to stop taking all the expected things and to give yourself a chance to live the unexpected and to relish the opportunities we are given to daily to make a difference and bless others and be blessed ourselves.  A happy day is one well lived and a day well lived can be exactly the catalyst to waking to a better tomorrow and a future, which is bearable and fulfilling.  So plan only tomorrow, to do what you can and take time to stop at things which are good and to celebrate them for the joy they bring now and not what they may bring in the future (which will take care of itself).

Try something new .... Give Generously!

Generosity remains a quality that seems to be extremely necessary both in our personal and business lives. I read an article recently wherein it was revealed that many of the big companies overseas are bringing the concept of generosity into their corporations as a principle to be followed and they have had very positive results since implementing the concept formally into their organisational structures.  I certainly understand the principle of giving to others and blessing those in need so as to receive blessing in return but the motive needs to be pure and healthy.  Unfortunately I have seen that many entities in our country try to use fake generosity such as donations and financial assistance so that they can get something from this like BEE points and accreditation's so that they can win tenders.  This is not the generosity I mean and this should not be part of how business works and is a sad indictment to our countries business ethics.  However I do certainly agree that the principle of giving generously is a worthy goal and this relates to the way we pay staff, the way we treat employees and the honesty with which we treat clients and shareholders.  I am not always sure about the concept of charity begins at home or whether we should separate our personal giving and that of a business but I guess that once we embrace generosity at home we will also do so at work and vice versa.  There are everyday many opportunities to show this characteristic and there will always be people who need more than we do.  Unfortunately in a country like ours there are also so many in need and to be able to give to everyone is impossible.  That is why we need to be discerning with each opportunity and give attention to the request and sufficient time to whether the cause is genuine and will result in a feeling of peace and satisfaction.  Too often people just give to get rid of someone or they do so when others are looking to get credibility or false praise for being a generous person.  In essence generosity starts in the heart and it needs to be truthful and with a good motive.  The value may not be important but we are talking about generosity and not just tipping.  We should be led to a particular matter or situation and then really get all the info we need to make an informed decision and so when we give we do so with intent, an open heart and mind, an assurance that the giving will make a difference and an expectation that we will see the results somewhere in the future.

Let us give thanks!

When certain things in life go wrong take a moment to be thankful for all the things that are still going right.  Even our idiotic president go this right this week when he addressed Parliament and said that there are still many things that are right in this country of ours.  We may need to look a little harder and even change our attitude a bit to see them, but this country does possess a potential which abounds and which we can truly live by, daily.  If more people were open to accept the basic good things in people and not so distracted by race and culture,  I have not doubt that productivity, employment and general living standards would start to increase for the better. But while we are focused on the constant trouble with people, crime, government, education we will always spend the majority of our time embraced by negativity and trouble.  But take a moment to reflect on basic things that are still in tact.  For example, a place like Cape Town runs well and the administration and standards are very good compared to other centres in SA.  So why do political parties try to undermine what is going on in the Cape instead of learning from it and truly seeking to take the best of what is on offer and celebrating it for what it is.  Even the standards at certain of our government places of education like top schools and universities.  Let us be grateful and positive towards these places of hope and stay away from criticising where it is not necessary.  It is time to emulate the things that are good or else the bad things threaten to take over the minds and phyche, of all South Africans.  Make this weekend count as a time of thankfulness and grace.

Well done you good and faithful servant!

I would like to give a shout out to all the families today who sacrifice each day to make a living in this country, getting up early and going home late.  We sometimes forget that there are many families who need a joint income to survive and they sacrifice time and many hours to grow a lifestyle, which is suitable to raise children and find a home, which is comfortable and safe.  For most every day, there is no elevator to success, we have to take the stairs and climb one at a time.  So to see newspaper articles with a smiling president sitting in luxury, completely detached and disengaged from the people he serves is very disheartening and thus it is up to us who are able to encourage one another and find a way to lift up those around us.  This seems to be how democracy in our country works, where the people have to find a way to support and help each other and make the continuous sacrifices, while the leaders, who are in fact supposed to be chosen and equipped for the role, sit and gaggle like school kids, while the teacher is out of the class.  It would seem that we, as working class, need to raise the standards of the country by good old graft and hope that the idiots running the country, will eventually awaken from their juvenile and frankly pathetic slumber and begin to help us in our quest to make a country shine the light, which it has so abundantly within its chest.  So as you make your way to work, I salute you and hope that somewhere in your day, you will be encouraged and appreciated for what you do.

Hey Friend take a Bow!

How good is it to have FRIENDS in our lives.  My kids have been watching old reruns of the series and it amazes me how much they enjoy these sitcoms from yester year.  I guess that in these tough days the presence of true friends makes a major difference in our lives.  By the same token those who prove not to be loyal, would be better to know up front, so that you can move on from them as soon as possible.  Friends are Faithful, they are there when you need them and even there when you don't see them for some time.  They represent a presence and a certainty in our lives and they have become a constant through many years of showing up and staying up when we need them.  Friends are to be Respected because they have earned their places in our lives and they deserve to be there. It is not worth having people being part of our lives that we would not in any event have respect for, were we to meet them for the first time.  Friends have Integrity because it is critical to maintain your standards in this world and to be surrounded by people that are willing to face the same circumstances you do and generally have the same outlook to what is important and has meaning.  Friends do not Envy what we have, but rather embrace our successes and forgive our failures because it more important to them to be part of our lives than to want what is in our lives.  Friends should Never say things behind our backs and will always live by the principle of coming out and saying what is on their minds and hearts and finding a way to look you in the eye no matter if it is difficult or not to face.  Friends are entirely Dependable and take on what matters to us because it matters to them.  They are not blown back and forth depending on our station in life or too busy to be in our lives when things are going well for them or just convenient when they need something from us.  They remain people that distinguish themselves from others because they complete our lives and put our lives in perspective.  Finally Friends are Special and they should be applauded and praised and loved and cherished - not every acquaintance deserves the title of friend and our lives are not defined ultimately by the number of friends we have, but surely by the impact that they have on our journey in life.

What the heck are you Thinking?

I read somewhere that the "Happiness of your life depends on the quality of your Thoughts".  But thoughts can be a very challenging thing to deal with, especially when we confuse the thoughts we have, with the words we speak.  Afterwards, we think to ourselves that "did I really say that, or just think it" and unfortunately many times, we have ended up expressing the thoughts in words, which are not exactly, what was in our head.  I especially feel that I need to actually record my thoughts, because I am often guilty, as I am sure others also experience, of a change in my thoughts and I end up having to say sorry, so many times, because I spoke some thoughts, that should actually have been kept in my head, recorded and processed and then later only expressed in the correct manner and especially at the correct time.  We are taught that words have the power of life and death in them, but the words come from thoughts and often our mind is more dangerous than even the spoken word. That is why in today's times we need to truly have a clear and open mind, when we approach business and personal challenges.  We are so bombarded with information on a daily basis, that your thoughts are seldom quiet and too often, we are swayed back and forth by our mind instead of taking control of our thoughts, before we take a next step.  Even with the people closest to us we pour out our minds (many times it is almost like a release valve) instead of dealing with the basics in our head first and only then sharing the options, with a spouse or confidant.  Our thoughts can be confusing places in these troubles times, with uncertainty, anger, frustration, mistrust and pain.  Our mind tugs us from one to the next, but there is no doubt that we need to find the place, where we can be at peace, or as close to it as possible and only then begin to digest and process the thoughts, we are having.  I know that time is such a precious commodity, but we need to use it today, to be still and know that only certain of our thoughts should be spoken and only certain of them, are fit for expression.  Say calm, speak slowly no matter the pace that your mind is travelling and don't be afraid to take a day or two, to understand what it is that you should do next.  

$ or R or ..... Life?

Life is always better with money! Is this true - I would say at best that life always seems better with money! But the notes and dividends and shares themselves, do not bring the happiness.  Those that have much are able to portray happiness and give the distinct impression that all is well and within their grasp. But this may be an illusion of reality, because money is such an enticing and controlling commodity. I once had a client that said to me that money was like a flowing river and one could dip into it whenever we wanted to and take what was needed for that occasion or moment. But is this true or only if you have already got a "mint" in the river.  I cannot think that money is meant to be merely available at any turn.  I surely feel naively that it must be earned by hard work and that it takes time to accomplish financial success, or freedom.  But I do know for sure that life is more than the concept of money and wealth.  There are friends and family and work and hobbies and so many elements to life worth far more than money.  Perhaps if anything I have learnt that while we should take it seriously and be responsible for what we have been blessed with, more good will come from our lives when we stop chasing the greenbacks and are filled with acceptance of where our lives are in this moment and what we can do to accomplish the purposes and gifts we have been given.  I hope to be a man grateful for what I have and not one who is running after the $$$$ at all cost. 

What a week - what a write off!!

Perhaps a reflection on this week would be the best medicine especially after a Friday the 13th has come and gone and a week best left never remembered.  It has been a week of significant importance and high emotions both personally and in general. Our country continues to stumble along and yet what amazed me that for the first time in many weeks, even Eskom, did not grab all the media attention.  They seemed to keep the lights on for once, when in many ways as a South African, I wished that we could have had the national blackout, so that we could hide the insanity, which took place during our state of the nation address.  This was surely a year where, with 38% unemployment, massive corruption, continued violence, extremely poor matric results and infrastructure standing on the point of collapse, that South Africa could have done with some positive news.  Instead the happenings in Cape Town went a very long way, to persuade most of the world, that this is a country which cannot be taken seriously.  From an economic point of view, we have continued wildfire strikes like the JHB bus services and even the Gautrain buses, our rand is performing poorly against major currencies, our power utility continues to burn a hole in sentiment to the country and now it looks like foreigners, won't be allowed to buy property in this country and can only get long term leases.  It must have been very strange for the president to stand almost alone in a parliament, without representatives (except for the lady that was asleep after 2 minutes already), but lets face it, he should stand alone when his actions are those of a megalomaniatic dictator, or in simple English, an utter fool.  He read his speech page after page and thankfully got through the numerical components better than usual, but there was no flair and leadership anywhere to be seen.  The country wept from embarrassment, sadness at the way he and his party conducted themselves and I am sure rather lost, because we have come 20 years beyond democracy and nothing gave the impression, that we have held on as the powerhouse of Africa.  Our president continues to run this country into the ground and yet the majority still accept it and do nothing to change the status quo.  Any family in this country would be forgiven for questioning the future of raising children in this place and the immense beauty and diversity of people and weather and lifestyle, are no longer enough to hold South Africans together, because things simply don't work, crime never goes away, employment issues persist labour and education remain pathetic and corruption and stealing is at the highest level in the country, which means that the normal man on the street, can only but follow suite.  A sad week indeed and a very special (and sarcastic) thanks to our president for leading us into a darker (literally) time, instead of showing an ounce of respect for the people and stepping down from his ever growing castle (or nkandla) while his people flounder around, like a ship without a rudder.  I should have rather gone to see the Fifty Shades of Grey, than the 90 minutes of Torture.  

Its all in the Letters

Sometimes you need to transform negative feelings and situations into positive experiences. I have come to realise that 'Lying' has five letters, but so does 'Truth', so there is very little reason to opt for the former, when the latter gives you a feeling of release and peace. Similarly, 'hurt' has four letters, but so does 'heal'.  Hurt is easily meted out and often felt in bad situations, but healing is far more difficult to achieve, bearing in mind our human nature.  The negative feelings of hurt are often subjective feelings and the lesson is to allow healing to happen quicker, because it helps you to overcome and move forward without negativity.  But while showing someone you are hurt can send them a strong message, it is not necessarily the heart attitude you should portray, or the correct expression in the healing process. That is why, it is also relevant that 'hate' has four letters and yet so does 'love'.  We can hate circumstances and situations, but we should never hate people.  Love is more conquering than hatred and resentment and we need to move away from situations, that invoke hatred, to those that foster love.  We can chose to allow feelings of hatred to linger and fester within us and we never experience the release of the situation, because we have become hardened to the negative feeling within us.  Holding onto our anger and resentment leads us to define people as 'enemies', which has seven letters, instead of looking for relationships, which result in 'friends' which is also seven letters. It is difficult in today's times to find lasting and meaningful friendships and love is a rare possession, which should be savoured and relished.  Don't fall into the trap of making negative presumptions and assumptions.  Rather spend your precious time, 'loving' and not 'hating', being 'friends' instead of 'enemies', telling the 'truth' over 'lying' and helping to 'heal' others instead of causing them 'hurt'.  Let this be the things you dwell on and hold on to rather than getting to the end of your your life with regrets. 

Can we take heart from a loss of heart!

I have recently learnt that in the words of Sir Winston Churchill, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."  Being considered a success is not an entitlement and it is easy to let your desire for success and the fascinations of it, become an idol to follow, or strive for.  But it certainly is not success that defines a person and fortunately we have circumstances and people that care enough to point this out, when we become haughty and proud to the point of hurting others and yourself.  Therefore, when we do fail, we need to be equipped to handle the repercussions and face the demons that lurk in failure, like depression, doubt, fear and unworthiness.  We can afford to fail at times in our lives and we can afford to be human in our nature, but we should be aware of the effects of stubbornness and pride and accept that once we have acknowledged the failure, we need not be at the end of the line and unable to regain the trust and love of the persons that you most need in your life.  Strong ambition and loads of money can certainly take you to places, but actually the ability to hold fast to your principles and remain true to yourself, is far more endearing and worthwhile than gaining credibility in mans standards.  We need to take failures slowly and carefully with a clear head and we need to have courage, when all about seems unlikely to yield a positive result.  Easier said than done you may say? But making the effort is what will be left, when all is said and done and the question is, whether you can make your life count daily in your work and relationships and life.

TRY AGAIN...AND AGAIN..AND

I am trying very hard to understand why mistakes are such a difficult thing to shake and why they seem to circle life a vulture over us, when we are trying to rid ourselves of them. 
M - they may be minuscule or even major, but always they are a thorn in the side of men and woman and they are a material concern to us, when they persist for a while without being resolved or suitably dealt with;
I- whether they are big or small, we need to understand the importance of them, so that we can truly learn from them and avoid either repetition, or failing to learn a lesson from them, in a way which can result in a significant change in our lives;
S- they can be serious to the course of our lives and may set us back, whether emotionally, financially or physically; so we must be aware of how to handle problems and grow through them;
T- when we look back on the time before and after the error, we realise that there was trauma involved and that we have had to endure tremendous heartache and even pain, but we need to trust that this can be overcome and defeated by positive attitudes and the ability to creep forward one step at a time even if the pain persists;
A- this stands for attitude and without doubt these change in time, but it remains essential to ensure that your attitude to a mistake remains positive, it is the only way to embrace the mistake and forgive yourself and to allow others to forgive you;
K- stands for the kaleidoscope of different mistakes we make in life and yet how many times, we are forgiven and given another chance, we need to keep believing that we are men and woman of character and that breakthroughs can be achieved when we confront mistakes, admit to them and then try to repair the damage we have caused;
E- life is an examination process and there is stress and pressure to perform, there are worries and concerns about futures and presents, goals and expectations, so we have to keep endeavouring to find a place or person who is able to draw us away from the anxiety and keep us grounded and who fills us up, when we become empty;
S- mistakes certainly take us in life from success to significance, because once we go through them, we realise new things and lessons, which make us come to conclusions of where we need to go and be in the future and what to take from the experiences and how we as people need to respond to a MISTAKE.

Barry ons Gaan nou Braai!

Not much in South Africa compares to the way in which we socialize and spend time together.  Whether it is family time, or even a braai with friends the South African way, is sociable and entertaining.  There is always loud banter and laughter and notwithstanding the fun, there is always a couple of serious stories and difficult topics which emerge.  Yet the manner in which SA people engage is wonderful to behold, because they do so with such openness and willingness to express their feelings and concerns.  People are not unwilling to share intimate things and to take the mickey out of others throughout an afternoon or evening.  It is a phenomenon that I am sure that I would miss if I were to venture to other parts of the world, because the time spent around the braai and woman in the kitchen or sitting sipping drinks, is such invaluable time in life, that one would surely miss, it if it were not there.  I have hardly ever been at braais, where jokes are not made and fun poked at the country we live in.  We also regularly engage in the important issues facing us as South Africans and we try to listen to various opinions, on any number of topics relating to politics, sport, unemployment, crime, taxes and mismanagement of government.  I would like to applaud South Africans all over, for the incredible ability to have fun together and to produce good food, memorable conversations and amazing relationships.  I am proud to be a South African and although we have many challenges as a nation, one of them can never be that we are not sociable, friendly and hospitable people.  I hope that I can continue for years to come, to enjoy this sort of interaction with good people.

I'l be coming round the mountain!

The saying goes "You are exactly where you need to be". Sometimes this view may be questioned and certainly when you are in the midst of this place, it surely does not feel like the saying could be remotely correct.  But then often if we come through an incident, or time of testing, then with hindsight, we basically confirm that we were indeed in the right place at the particular time, when we needed to be.  Sometimes we can actually feel that we have in fact been in the very place we are in and this could be a sign that we are going around the same mountain, any number of times.  It means that we are either not learning the lesson correctly and we are being made to return to the same place, to see if we can reach a different conclusion, or produce a different set of results, or it may mean that the lesson is a place where we need to rest and take our hand or control off the circumstances and rather rely on the one that has brought us to the very place, where we need to be.  What if the place is a dark and miserable place, or a decision, which we would love to avoid, or one which can be hurtful, but there seems to be no way to escape it.  Can this truly be the place, where we need to be.  Do we really need to suffer through something, to truly accomplish it successfully.  Possibly the answer is correct and we have no choice but to accept that we are in a situation and take one responsible step at a time to get free from it.  We would all love to exit from a tough place or situation, rapidly and heroically, leaving it behind with ease and comfort, but he reality is often a journey and not a moment.  That is why we should accept first and foremost, that we are human and have flaws, then raise our faith and encourage one another.  We need to be strong in our belief, that we can accomplish a positive result and we need to give thanks, that we are actually in the place we are.  No matter what lies ahead, it is pointless to view our current position, as a mistake.  We should make adjustments, yes, but not curse at the situation and drag ourselves and others into a negative season.  Once we begin to study our surrounds, with the correct attitude, the next steps will spring out at us and we will know, what lies ahead.  If we try to run from it too quickly, we may miss the lesson and find ourselves back in the same places again, having gone in a circle, but if we take a moment, we can often meander our way, with good friends and people who care and find ourselves not in the wrong place in the wrong time but rather in the correct time in the light of the new day.

Show some Patience Part 2

Forgiveness also plays a big part, because not all people have the things you may have and there are always those that have less so to show patience in a situation can have a major impact on a person and be a real indicator of maturity when interacting with other people.  As young people we want our voice heard and we want to pronounce words over others and stake our claim at success.  But many do this with little regard for others and they consume time and effort to push themselves into situations where clearly they should leave the matter alone.  We may know more than the person we are interacting with and we may even be better qualified, but this does not give us a reason, to be impatient and intolerable to them.  If anything in our country, we need to exercise high levels of patience, because many were denied historically, the hope of nurturing and mentoring and teaching.  Thus now, when these opportunities are available to the next generation, they expect to be included and not to have things withheld from them.  Patience is listening before we act, thinking before we react, waiting before we criticise, forgiving before we pray and trying another way before quitting.  Never think that you cannot accept the challenge to become more patient and tolerable, but going through the motions is futile.  You need to place yourself in situations, where you can be in attendance when a boy or girl needs attention and nurturing and then you need to hold onto your judgement for long enough, to gauge the person you are interacting with and only then should we formulate an opinion, or express the opinion we are wanting to give.  Not only will the recipient be grateful for being treated with some respect, but also they may gain confidence, in a future relationship with you.  I appeal to us all, to strive for love, joy, peace, patience kindness, gentleness and self control.  The time and effort spent seeking and implementing these qualities, will never go unrewarded and we will gain valuable insight into the circumstances of others, to make us afar more intelligent company to keep.

Patience Part 1

Patience is a wonderful attribute to find in someone, but is a very hard thing to learn.  If someone possesses even a little of this character trait, it should be nurtured and developed, early in life.  It is extremely difficult to become a patient person over time and in many instances lack of patience becomes more prevalent the older we become.  It takes immense concentration and time to develop this attribute and I admire anyone that is trying to exercise this fruit of the spirit.  So how does one begin to work at this trait and successfully become a patient person? Well I think, as with many things, it begins with faith and belief that we need to be tolerant and understanding of ourselves and of others, even when we become frustrated with incompetence, or a level, which does not meet our criteria, or standards.  We are often impatient without thinking of the persons, circumstances, and we judge them according to our own high standards instead of taking into account the place they find themselves in.  In order to begin to understand their level of knowledge, on a topic, we need to ask them how they came to be where they are today and take a moment to check before firing at them randomly for lack of competence.  They may have had no opportunities in life, to reach a higher standard, they may have suffered losses which have broken down their confidence and feelings of respect and reputation.  I know it is hard when you want something done immediately, to find the time to take these aforementioned aspects into account, but much can be read from a simple question, or time spent trying to understand and taking the focus off ourselves for a moment.  This is what clearly develops our patience, even if we fail to understand, why the person is doing what you think they should not be doing. (to be continued).

Say It don't Spray it!

When is it best to open up and share a concern, or an opinion and when is it best to let "sleeping dogs lie".  What happens if the things you say, may be hurtful, or if you know that they going to cause a reaction or consequences, which you may not have expected or forseen.  There are enough things in life, to give us headaches and most people do not need additional stress, or discomfort in their lives, in these times.  But how do we determine if the things we want to say are necessary, or just statements aimed at inviting a reaction.  I think that the defining thing is whether the comment or discussion, if left unmentioned, will result in you harbouring negative feelings towards the person, if you keep it to yourself.  Having said that it probably means we should rather speak more than less and get things off our chests sooner, rather than later.  But we are also taught that the power of life and death lies in the tongue, so we need to be very careful about what we say and how we say it.  Often we say things in the heat of the moment which is filled with emotion and not all ways rational, or reasonable. Sometimes, we only get a moment to make a comment or respond and we later regret the way the words flowed from our mouths, but I still think it is better to have said it, than waiting too long and then proceeding. The reason for saying something is then often gone and potentially the statement can cause more damage, than good. The perfect balance is to think immediately, if what you want to say is well placed and sincere, to steer clear of emotional outbursts and criticism you know will hurt another person and then finally to be level headed in the choice of your words. I think if you feel comfortable that you can say the words, while looking at the person in the eye, then the words are best said and not held back.

Hang to the Right or Left but just Hang in!

I was unable to complete my blog last night due to the fact that we once again had no electricity and in fact the entire area, had a major blackout.  I have steered clear of berating Eskom in these blogs, because one could be forgiven for going on complaining for a long time, but it just struck me again how serious the situation is with the countrys' power grid and the complete inconsistency with which they seem to be treating the problem.  For the first time last night, I noticed that businesses in my area were also off, as opposed to the situation previously, where certain Corporates were still on. while residential houses were off.  But yet still as I drove home some of the massive corporations remain fully functional, with blazing electricity and I simply can't think that they running generators big enough to light up the night sky, nearly as brightly as the full moon last night. Surely there cannot be this complete inconsistency and it led me to think that consistency is a very important ingredient in making people feel a sense of trust and respect.  If you are a person who consistently returns phone calls (even if it takes a bit of time to do so), or deliver your service in a manner, which people can believe in, then surely this will eventually pay off.  Sometimes it is hard to keep ploughing away at what you do, whether in business or in relationships and you have a feeling that the effort just seems to be falling on deaf ears, or that you can't seem to get what you want, out of your endeavours, but I believe strongly, that the breakthrough comes, when consistency is a constant ingredient. No company truly reaches greatness by overnight success - yes many corporations and relationships are stellar in the beginning, but to achieve greatness, takes many attempts at proving to your clients, and loved ones that you are there to stay and to perform regularly.  This is probably why Eskom is going through such a time as this, because they have not delivered trustworthy consistent results and now they expect consumers and businesses to jump in to save energy, because they have failed to stick to the efforts of yester year.  We need to make sure that we don't fall into this trap, especially also when things are going well.  Many people then turn their attention to other things and get sidetracked and instead of maintaining the excellent platform they have worked to achieve, they dilute their focus on other things, only to find, that that which got them to the top is now being eroded by mistrust and inconsistent behaviour.  So look carefully at the things you are striving for and make sure that you work on it daily (even if it is sometimes not fun) and I have no doubt that the end result will exceed your expectations.  And P.S. for Pete's sake Eskom, get your act together!

Mount Ararat or a bump in the Road?

We need to make peace with our circumstances, but never give up what we want to achieve, because the mountain in front of us seems too high.  Imagine Noah in the days leading up to the flood, when he toiled away year after year, in obedience to the calling of God and looking ridiculous amongst his peers and contemporaries, thinking that he was insane to be building a vessel of such magnitude, when all around him was desolate and dry.  When living in this country, we are constantly faced with unbelievable odds and amazing difficulties.  From massive and uncontrolled corruption, to murderers seeking parole, to a president who receives the 7th highest salary in the world and cannot string a single sentence of significance together, to tragic loss of life of a young journalist, to rolling blackouts and racism in private schools and a constant fear of high-jacking, death on the roads and outrageous unemployment.  So how high is the mountain we are facing each day and yet there are enough examples of people standing out and making a significant difference in their lives.  So do we shirk away from a challenge and a seemingly unattainable desire - no we owe it to ourselves and the ones we want to please to stand and face our demons and be filled with a hope that anything can be achieved with enough desire to succeed.  The circumstances will probably be unfavourable and we will encounter resistance and people criticising what we decide to do, but if it makes a difference in your life and at least a difference to someone else, then I support you trying it and living with passion and belief.  We do not live in an ideal society and we are far from perfect, but at least our life need not be mundane in this country. It  is not by any stretch perfect situations we encounter, but they are real and we should take each day as a sign that we have another hope at being a success in what we want to achieve and should we fail, we can certainly fail forward.   It will take a bit of extra forgiveness of ourselves and a realism that we are a third world country striving for 1st world standards and some compromise to accommodate others and their views and above all to challenge mediocrity and a sense of apathy which strangles our country. We may have one of the most dynamic democracies in the world so why are we so blind to the state of our country and why do we tolerate the dishonesty, blatant disregard for the needy, the total mismanagement of key infrastructure and the violence which grips the nation.  Start in your own place of business, society and relationships and work at them as though they matter and that you can't do without them.  And maybe just a small commitment daily will make that unexpected dream come true.

Merci and Baie Dankie!

When I was thinking about what to write, my daughter suggested topics like, chair covers and rummy cub (for which I thanked her) but I decided that after a glass of wine and far too much to eat, that all I could muster was a message of thanks, because we are so blessed to have family and friends to share our lives with that the words 'thank you' should be uttered constantly.  Utterances of thankfulness make a huge difference in our lives when we think about the many times we have sincerely mentioned the words.  Think of times when we have received amazing gifts and blessings and the times when we have had someones help us in a challenging time and being privileged to have helped others and to hear them say sincere words of thanks to us. THANKS is made up of T(ruth) because when we utter the words in truth, people are blessed by it and they remember that we meant it sincerely and with honestly and this makes the words ever more important and believable.  The H signifies H(onesty) for as I said, a thankful heart is an honest heart.  We should not say thank you sarcastically or in jest, for it diminishes the gratitude we are feeling and trying to express.  Truthful honest thanks leads to A(ppreciation) and this is a feeling, which we can all do with, as often as possible.   The world is so fraught with disdain and unpleasantness, that appreciation is a breath of fresh air and it smacks of positivity and encouragement.  We should have no expectation in life, because we are not entitled to anything other than that which we are blessed with, by God.  The N refers to N(ever) stop remembering the many opportunities to bestow gifts on others and never to allow bitterness or anger to take root such that we can't be thankful to others and for the things that we have.  We have in human nature, the desire always to want more and our expectations are for greatness and favour and wealth, but we get countless times in our lives, when simple things become more important and humility helps us to put that which we have, over what we want, into perspective.  That is why the K stands for a K(aleidoscope) of opportunities to see good and do good and celebrate the fabulous things happening daily in our lives.  Life is not boring, it has a myriad of situations, which affect us, in differing ways and it is really up to us, to have the foresight and maturity to take hold of the ones that are meant for us.  Not everything we want will be granted to us, but everything we are grateful for will be added to us as a gift.  Finally giving thanks and bestowing it on others is an act of S(acrificial) Service resulting in Sharing and Sharing leads to Significance in the place and purpose we have been destined for.  So try like me to be more thankful tomorrow, than I was today and may we have many chances and a whole lot of reasons in our day to say THANKS.